Identify Your Gaps to Reach Your Goals

IMG_0567 (2)Let’s say you are twenty-five years old and have a goal to become a ukelele player.

Or, let’s say you are fifteen and want to become a doctor.

Perhaps you are fifty-three with a strong desire to be a beekeeper.

Or, let’s say you are seventy years old and want to help relieve hunger in the third world.

Whatever your goals are, you need to identify the gaps between where you are now and what it will take to achieve those goals. What stands in your way? Before you can actually achieve your goal to become a ukelele player, a doctor, a beekeeper, or an aid worker, you have to be honest about what it is going to take to make that happen. If you allow your gaps to go undefined, your goal is just a dream that will likely go unrealized.

What do we do when we encounter a gap or chasm that we need to cross? We build a bridge.

Since some gaps are small and some are huge, there are bridges of all sizes. Some chasms are so large that a bridge is not possible. Have you noticed that there is no bridge from the United States to Ireland? That gap is just too large. We navigate that space in different ways.

Step 1 – Identify the Gap

These are the things missing in your life right now that must be bridged before you can reach the other side. Again, honesty is vital here. You will do yourself no favors by minimizing the task ahead or by lying to yourself about what it is going to take. Be brutally honest in defining the gap. What do you need to learn? Who do you need to meet? What certification do you need to achieve? How much do you need to pay? How long will this take?

Step 2 – Design Your Bridge

Break the bridge down into smaller steps. No one builds a bridge, or a house, or a nation without a plan. Use what you know about the gap you defined in Step 1 to create your plan for bridging the gap. Design it well so that you have confidence it will get the job done.

Step 3 – Start Building

Your bridge will be built by actions. Just as no bridge ever designed itself, no bridge ever built itself, either. The best bridge design in the world will bridge no gap if it is not actually built. Actions taken in the proper sequence will lead you to build the proper bridge and reach your goal. Establishing and following great habits is a key to making these actions effective.

Step 4 – Glance Behind You and Take Heart

Once you have built your bridge and crossed the gap, you will have achieved your goal. Now is a good time to look back over your shoulder at the bridge. See that bridge for what it really is. It is a testimony of the power you possess to envision a Forward Story, to design the practices necessary to achieve it, and to follow through on that design to realize your goal. You should now realize that you can do that over and over again. None of us truly arrive at a point where we have no ambition left. The sense of accomplishment you get from crossing the bridge and achieving a goal provides a powerful shot of confidence that you can use on bridging your next gap.

My gaps are currently gaps in taking my business to the next level and in my health goals. In other words, I am currently working on bridging more than just one gap. I have a couple of bridge-building projects going on right now. As Step 4 explains, I have bridged enough gaps in the past to have confidence that these current bridges that are under construction will take me where I want to go.

What gaps are you trying to bridge at the moment? How is it going?

How to Nurture a Positive Habit

file1431243434522You and I both understand the power of habit. As humans we are wired to repeat behaviors over and over again. Sometimes those habits are “good” in that they lead to excellent outcomes. Other times those habits are “bad,” leading to poor or even deadly outcomes.

I am assuming you can do a quick survey of your life and pick a few bad habits you would like to kick and a few good habits you would like to establish.

Me, too.

Lately through reading, conversation, and experimentation I have learned some helpful things about nurturing positive habits. I will leave kicking bad habits for another day.

There are two methods I have proven (to myself) to work, and there is one that I am eager to try soon. Here they are:

1. Seinfeld’s Red-X

Some experts disagree on how long a behavior has to be repeated until it becomes a habit, but a good number to shoot for is two weeks. If I can do something for two weeks, I will usually incorporate it into my life. Jerry Seinfeld’s method has really worked for me. It is a simple idea. You print a calendar and draw a red X on each day in which you do the behavior. Then string them together with the goal of “Don’t break the chain.” Doing this small practice can lead to big things. It is how I finished writing my book. It can be the way you finally accomplish that thing you have been wanting to do.

2. Write a Journal

This one requires only that you keep some kind of notebook or journal where you date each day and make an entry related to your desired behavior. If the goal is to excercise thirty minutes each day, the entry for today as I write this might be:

April, 22, 2015

Exercise Journal

Today I walked 35 minutes at 6 a.m.

Keeping a log or journal like this helps keep me accountable. It also provides a record which I can review to draw inspiration from.

3. Clear’s Paper Clip Trick

James Clear writes often (and well) on habits and behavior. While I regularly practice the first two ideas above, I have not yet tried this one. However, I will be trying it soon. The idea is that you start with two jars. One contains paper clips (or push pins or pennies, etc.) and the other is empty. When you complete the desired behavior, you move a paper clip from the starting jar into the empty jar. There is some strategy to choosing how many clips to start with. In my case I will use it to help me stay on track with some of the more mundane aspects of my daily work. If I need to make fifteen phone calls, I will start with fifteen paper clips. For more on this strategy, please read Clear’s excellent article here.

How do you nurture good habits? What works for you?

My Tips for a Good Night’s Sleep

Sleep is one of the most routine things we do. If you struggle with sleep, you may need medical attention to diagnose and solve your issues. Assuming you do not have a medical condition, though, there may be some things you can do to improve the quality of your sleep. I make no claims that this will work for you, but I will just share the routine that works for me.

  • About 30 minutes before bed I take one 400 mg tablet of magnesium glycinate. I take KAL – Magnesium Glycinate 400, 180 tablets brand, but just make sure it is magnesium glycinate instead of other chelates (like citrate).
  • I then get in bed and inhale and exhale very slowly eight times. This is not chest breathing, but “belly breathing.” Put your hand on your stomach and feel it rise as you inhale. Inhale through the nose, not the mouth. Remember, this is not to be done quickly. It is slow.
  • When I get to the maximum inhale, I typically pause for a second or two before exhaling through the mouth.
  • Again, when the exhale is completed, I typically pause a second or two again before the next inhale through the nose.

After my eighth exhale is finished, I then read a book (not an e-book, and no phones or tablets – no blue light) until I get very sleepy. This is usually less than twenty minutes. When I click the light off, the room is also completely dark.

Since I began this routine I have had high quality sleep.

How to Find Your Dream Job

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThis is graduation season. A lot of freshly minted graduates are streaming out of our colleges, high schools, and technical programs. A lot of new graduates are looking for their dream jobs.

How do you find your dream job?

I want to share some insight from a good friend of mine named Bill Martin. Bill is an octogenarian with a lot of wisdom. If I told you his entire career history you would be amazed at this man’s success. If you could meet him, you would be amazed by his humility and charm.

He recently spoke to engineering graduates about how to find their dream jobs. Here it is in all its wisdom and simplicity:

  1. Get a job. Work hard and do great at it.
  2. Get a better job. Work hard and do great at it.
  3. Keep repeating this until you…
  4. Get your dream job.

I sort of understood this when I was young. I did not expect to have a dream job right out of the gate. I knew it was out there if I worked and produced value for my employers. A job well done leads to a recommendation and to advancement. The idea of an entry-level position is that you do not stay there long. It is simply where you enter.

In your pursuit of a dream job, don’t forget to get a job and do really well at it. That will lead to good things.

Thanks, Bill!

 

How to Eat on a Budget

 

Market

This relates to our general topic of Forward Story because one realm of life we all have to consider is the realm I call Business. Part of the Business realm is Money. Learning the skills required to successfully handle money takes effort and focus. If you do not care about mastering your money, you never will. My wife and I squandered more money than I want to admit because we did not know what we were doing and because we had developed very bad behaviors.

We recently had a discussion with our college student son about money and about how to create and live on a budget. A budget is nothing more than a spending plan. It is a document that we create to define how much income we expect in a given time period and what we expect our expenses will be in that same time period. Both the income and expense side of the budget need to be as accurate as possible.

In any budget there are some expenses that we know are not going to change. For example, the rent or mortgage is well defined. Your landlord is not going to call you this month and tell you the rent is a different price. There are other expenses, however, that will fluctuate. In our budget we identify several expenses that can fluctuate but that we want to really control. If we do not control these expenses, they will kill our budget and turn it into a fantasy instead of a guide. For these expenses we use a control technique that we learned from Dave Ramsey called the envelope system. Dave says he learned it from his grandmother.  This is one of those cases where “old-fashioned” really works.

For the envelope expenses that we need to control, we go to the bank and withdraw actual cash. This cash gets inserted into literal envelopes with the name of each expense written on it. In our case we use envelopes labelled with the following categories:

  • Food
  • Gas
  • Clothing
  • Entertainment
  • Blow Money

We then purchase these items with cash only, and when the cash is gone we stop spending on those categories Simple, powerful, and effective.

You may be arguing with me about this approach or justifying your other way of doing things. I understand. I resisted as well until I learned the freedom that this brings. Let’s take a closer look at how this works with a budget category that gives a lot of people trouble: Food.

Example: Imagine that you have done your budget for the month and determined that you will spend $450 for food this month. You go to the bank and withdraw $450 (or you may do this on the 1st and 15th of the month and withdraw $225 each time).

This $450 must last until next month. Is this enough money for you?  We will assume 30 days for this month. This means you have budgeted $15 per day for food. In my world that would be very tight. To break it down into breakfast, lunch, and dinner, this means I could spend $5 on each meal. That’s a lot more “value menu” than “gourmet restaurant.”

Actually to me a food budget is neither fast food nor gourmet restaurant — at least not much of either.  Before I share some techniques that help us stay on track, let me say that our goal in food is to eat as healthy as we can while still staying within our budget. We value our health and want to eat good food that we enjoy and that fuels us for life. For us this implies going to the grocery store or market and doing a lot of cooking. I will leave the issue of what “healthy eating” is for another time. I have my view, but there are plenty of different approaches to this.

If you do not cook at home, you are going to have a really hard time not overspending on food. “But, but, cooking at home is hard. ” I know. So is running out of money because you do not cook at home.  Here is the way we make this work.

  • We commit to eating almost all meals at home. We have nothing against restaurants and we do eat out a few times per month. But we simply cannot make our food money last if we are paying someone else to do all our work for us. When you buy food at a restaurant you are paying for many things: the food itself, the labor of the cooks who prepared it, the electricity and water required to cook it, the property costs of the restaurant, the labor of the food runners who bring it to you, the restaurant’s marketing, the insurance they have to pay, your server’s labor, etc. All of these costs can be called “value add.” In other words, you have to pay the restaurant for the value they add to the cost of the food itself. These are legitimate costs, but I cannot pay them constantly and still stay in budget.
  • We plan our meals for the week. In order to avoid restaurants and do our own cooking, we have to do some planning. We use Evernote to plan our meals, but a yellow legal pad will work just as well. We just list the days and dates and determine what we want to eat for dinner each night. We try to plan meals that will produce some leftovers for lunches. If we plan to eat out, we write that on the plan as well for the selected night. One more tip here is that we use Evernote for our favorite recipes. We are constantly adding new recipes to our favorites. This makes it easier to create variety in your meal plans.
  • We build our grocery shopping list from our meal plan. Once we know what meals we are going to cook, we can begin building our grocery shopping list. Again, we use Evernote. We break the list into the general grocery store sections: Produce, meat, dairy, baking, frozen, household, etc. We scan the recipes for the meals we have planned to cook and add those ingredients into the shopping list.
  • We take cash from our envelope to buy food. I take my cash, my iPod with music and podcasts, my pen, and a printed copy of my list.
  • We keep a running total while buying food. My chief objective is to be sure I know that I have enough cash when I get to the register. My little trick for being sure is that as I am shopping and crossing items off my list, I keep a running total of what I have spent so far. If the butter is $3.78, I round it up to $4 and add $4 to my running total. This ensures that the actual cost of the food at the register will be a little less than my final running total. That keeps me stress-free.
  • We learn while cooking. Look, I know that not everyone enjoys kitchen time. My wife and I both do, but not everyone does. One way to transform this mundane task into something useful is to listen to music, an audio-book, or a podcast while cooking. This has been a big help to me.
  • We stay on top of the dishes. When you cook at home, you will create dirty dishes. One of the keys to being able to have an efficient kitchen, and therefore to be able to stay on budget with our food, is to be sure to stay on top of the dishes. Again, I do this while listening to something on my iPod. Between my wife and me, our goal is to have the dishes all washed before we go to bed and then put them away into their places the next morning.

There are thousands of variations on our practices, but I do believe that if you follow this process, you can make it on your food budget, assuming it is at all realistic.

What do you do in order to not overspend on food?

 

Prepare the Child for the Path

Train_ChildSeveral years go we bought a little stone tile with a quote etched on it. At that point in our lives our children were still at home, but were nearing high school graduation. We knew the time was short for them to be under our roof and under our control. The aphorism (brief statement of principle) on the tile seemed very relevant to us then, and it still does today. It reads:

Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.

It’s meaning is clear. The path ahead for all of us is uncertain and can be frightening. This includes the path ahead of our children. Our parental instincts are to run interference for them and to smooth the path. When our children are very young, this is normal and required. As our children mature, though, and begin to approach adulthood, it is dangerous to try to prepare the path for them. When Mom and Dad always step in to make things right, fair, and easy, it can give them the false idea that difficulties won’t come. It teaches them that someone else will solve their problems for them. That is irresponsible.

We are at somewhat of a disadvantage culturally when we do not have adolescent puberty rites. In tribal cultures boys and girls did not have the option to remain immature. When their bodies began to change, they were initiated into adulthood through rituals that most of us would find appalling. There was no doubt, though, after the ritual that the boy was to be considered a man and the girl was to be considered a woman. Mom and Dad were not going to run interference any more to keep their children children. I am not arguing that we need to invent puberty rights, but I am arguing that it is the responsibility of parents to grow children who are ready for the path and not afraid of adulthood.

As difficult as it is to do, as parents we must focus our energies on getting our children ready to face life on their own. We should equip them so that they can deal with whatever life throws at them. Sure, if we are still around we can help them and counsel them if they seek such guidance, but they have to learn to deal with life on their own. We will not always be around. Even if we are, we cannot handle their adult problems for them. That is their job.

I have not lived in my parents’ house for over 32 years. They prepared me for the path, and I have functioned as an adult for a long time. I do have to add, though, that while I am no longer under my parents’ control, I am still under their influence. I say this to assure parents that if you adopt the approach I am encouraging, you will raise children that are ready for life’s path, but you will retain your influence. In fact, you will likely have more influence than if you have always tried to control their lives and circumstances. Strangely, children who have been reared in an overprotective way often grow up to resent that level of control and interference.

It is also true that one of the great joys in life is to observe your adult children adapting to life and handling the path they are on. That is when you know you have done your job well and that they will be OK on their own.

In what ways do you prepare your child for the path?