Category Archives: Family

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Rescuing Rhett

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On Monday, April 4, 2022 an era ended for our family. Our beloved corgi Rhett passed away peacefully at home in his sleep in his favorite sleeping spot. That he had such a peaceful passing was a great mercy to us. He removed the trauma that we dreaded.

It is the end of an era because he was the final packmate of the trio that included our other beloved corgis Fiona and Toby. Those two were our originals that we adopted when our children were still young and at home. Rhett joined their already well-established pecking order and found a way to fit right in. For the next many years our house was a flurry of furry activity. It was equally noisy and enchanting.

Rhett’s life began at a breeder operation about an hour from us that was dubious, to be kind. To not be kind, it was a puppy mill. Our daughter was at college and wanted a dog to keep her company. She loved our other corgis, so I began looking for corgis in our area. I found this breeder online. We drove there to meet Rhett for the first time. He had been born in October, so he was only a few weeks old when we met him in November 2009.

We waited in the office while Rhett was brought in to us. He was so tiny and so precious. It was love at first sight. Honestly, how can you not fall in love at first sight with all puppies? I requested to see the mother and father (or dam and sire, if you prefer breeder talk). The woman was very reluctant to let me see them. I insisted. She took me back through a maze of dilapidated buildings to a ramshackle shed where this poor mother dog was living in what appeared to me to be squalid conditions. It made me sad. It also made me angry.

I have titled this article “Rescuing Rhett” because once I saw the conditions in which he was born, I intended to rescue him as soon as possible to give him the life he deserved. I was able to do just that on December 10, 2009. I drove down there with a new crate and brought him back to our house. After Rhett was safely in our lives, I also filed a complaint with the authorities about the abysmal conditions at that facility. I never got closure on that, but in my mind I hope that is reason there is no longer any online presence for that breeder.

Off Rhett went to college with Kellen in January 2010 as a very young pup. It was in Lubbock, Texas that he provided love to a college student far from home. There he learned to chase frisbees, go on walks, and keep watch over the apartment as his Mom was at school. Later our son also joined our daughter at college in Lubbock, and he spent a lot of time with Rhett as well.

Every pet has unique characteristics. Rhett had many. One of his most endearing was that when he was picked up and held, he would put his chin on your shoulder facing backward. To us it seemed like a hug, so we would ask him, “Hugs?” Then he would dutifully allow us to pick him and up and hold him in that embrace. He was especially willing to give hugs to Kellen and Matt.

I have lost some of the exact chronology, but once Kellen finished college she and Rhett moved home and lived in an apartment. Then, through an apartment change that allowed no pets, it made sense for Rhett to come live with us and join the existing pack of two with Toby and Fiona. After a short adjustment time, the three of them had the pecking order worked out. Fiona was the Alpha and in charge, but she allowed Rhett to wrestle with her and chew on her a little. There was a limit to that, however, and she would let him know when he had crossed the line.

At various points both Kellen and Matt lived with us and our pack for short times while they were getting started in their careers, so all of us got to enjoy the corgi pack. We have special memories of all three dogs interacting together. Corgis are such entertaining little beings.

In August 2015 Fiona was the first of our pack to cross the Rainbow Bridge. Toby and Rhett became closer and inseparable.

One story from that timeframe. In July 2016 some friends visited us from out of state and stayed at our house. One of the children in that family left her bedroom door open with a suitcase on the floor. Toby, who was always food-crazy, found a package of sugar-free gum. He recruited Rhett to help him devour the package. When we discovered this situation, we realized that the gum was sweetened with Xylitol – very toxic to dogs. Given that it was a weekend, we had to take them both to the emergency veterinarian. When all was said and done, the final tally was $3,646. That was a very expensive pack of gum! From that point forward our vet clinic referred to Toby and Rhett as “The Xylitol Twins.”

We lost Toby in April 2018. He had been our first corgi. As with Fiona, it was very painful to let him go. Our house was much quieter with only little Rhett left. He was never a loud dog, except for four triggers which would set him off. We are certain that he learned his hatred of all three from Fiona. If you wanted Rhett to bark and make a racket, just put a new trash bag in the garbage bin, run a vacuum cleaner across the floor, set up the ironing board, or fire up the hair dryer. I am sure Fiona was proud of her understudy as he faithfully maintained her legacy.

In April 2019 Rhett was diagnosed with Progressive Retinal Atrophy (PRA), a genetic condition allowed to occur because of the unethical breeder, who did not do needed testing before breeding the sire and dam. Our veterinary ophthalmologist explained that every puppy born to that mother and father will have developed PRA. It leads to blindness, and there is no cure.

So, the last few years of his life Rhett was in near-total blindness. It was amazing to see him use his senses of smell, hearing, and touch to compensate for his loss of vision. We had a dog door onto the back patio and into the back yard. Even with his deteriorating sight, he would easily go out and spend hours on the patio enjoying the great outdoors. He had every square inch of that house mapped.

Then in July 2021, we moved into a new house. The back yard is steep enough to require stairs. Stairs are one obstacle Rhett could not master. It was too dangerous. So there was no dog door for him at the new place. Even so, after a couple of challenging weeks, he adjusted beautifully to the new house. The covered back patio was a place he really enjoyed hanging out. We installed a gate so he could not wander onto the stairs. He really enjoyed spending time on that patio and feeling the breeze. He loved being with us and was our constant companion. He was an important part of our human pack.

A couple of additional observations about Rhett. He hated riding in the car. By the time we got him to the vet, he was incredibly stressed and shaking. Like I said, dogs all have their own little idiosyncrasies. Also, when our young grandson would visit us and eat in his high chair, much of what was intended for his mouth ended up on the floor. This was fine with Rhett, who hung out underneath and kept the area clean.

As I already mentioned, even though Rhett was a quiet dog, he was not silent. Our house is now much quieter. There is no more clicking of nails on the floor. There is no more shaking of his collar tag. There is no more sprinting for doors that are opened. Of course, we think of him anytime we vacuum, dry hair, or put in a new trash bag. It is quiet. There is also no longer a faithful companion waiting by the front door or the garage entry door for our return. 

I must thank my Dad for helping take care of Rhett each time we were out of town. My Dad is a definite “dog person.” He had a special place in his heart for Rhett. I know he misses him, too. I also want to thank him for being there for me as we laid Rhett to rest under his and Mom’s Memorial Oak. It is a perfect place where Rhett joins their beloved dog Prissy and Charley the cat, as well as my sister’s cats Buddy and Sasha. Margot and I are grateful.

As with Fiona and Toby, I once again want to thank Dr. Todd Rabon at VCA Premiere Animal Hospital for his compassionate care for Rhett.

At the end of this era, what did Rhett mean to us? He brightened our lives with companionship and happiness. He was important not only to Margot and me, but also to Kellen and Matt. As with Fiona, Toby, and all of the special cats we have had, we stand in admiration – no, we stand in awe – of God’s creative work.

I miss you, Rhett. I love you, buddy. Thank you for sharing our lives with us.

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Vinyl & Nostalgia

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Nostalgia.

What is it?

Dictionary.com says it is

a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time”

Nostalgia can be unhelpful, even dangerous. For example, it is not good if all you ever do is wish for the past and use that to avoid the responsibility of the present and future. That type of nostalgia is not what I have in mind.

Nostalgia can be a good thing when it reminds you of some happy or important aspect of your story. Benjamin Franklin said “Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.” When we look back on the way things were at some earlier stage of life, we are looking back on our time and how we spent it. Hopefully we did not squander it. This type of nostalgia is a type of remembering. It can be a way of remembering important values and practices.

Most of us get nostalgic when looking at old photos or watching old family movies, but it can happen at a moment’s notice in other ways as well. One of the pleasant surprises that I have experienced over the last few years is the revelation that one of my favorite musical artists is actually the niece of one of my former high school teammates. I get some degree of satisfaction knowing that I was a fan of her music before I knew who her uncle was. The fact that her uncle is David just makes it all the more enjoyable to me.

The artist is Grammy award-winning singer-songwriter Sarah Jarosz.

A couple of years ago we attended her concert in Austin. We got to meet her and tell her of my connection with David. For some reason that night I bought her latest album in vinyl instead of CD. I cannot explain why I did that because we had not had our old turntable set up and working for over twenty-five years.

More recently it was our pleasure to meet Sarah’s parents, Gary and Mary, as well. They are lovely people enjoying their daughter’s immense talent along with the rest of us.

This past weekend I dusted off the old stereo equipment, bought some new speakers and speaker wire, and connected the turntable. The first vinyl I played? You guess it – Undercurrent, Sarah’s LP (that stands for “Long Play” for you whippersnappers) that we bought that night.

This vinyl recording is new so it is missing the signature pops and crackles of an old dusty record, but it still takes me back to the day when this was how music was enjoyed. It reminded me of Darrell Starnes and the parties at his house. It reminded me of Guy Anderson and his love for music. It reminded me of strobe lights, black lights, the robot, and the friends I grew up with at a place and time that had a lot of good things about it. It was not perfect. That is one of the dangers of nostalgia – it often conveniently glosses over and idealizes a previous era.

So it wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty good. Music was a big part of it, as it is for every generation from Big Band to Hip Hop. My friends and I were all adept at playing vinyl records, both 33 and 1/3s and 45s (look it up). My parents before me even played 78s. We all knew how to operate the equipment and where to buy the new albums.

There is something wonderful about the fact that my return to vinyl was inspired by a young artist who was not yet even born the last time my turntable was in operation. I am glad I did not toss our large vinyl collection. I am eager to break out the old stuff. To my friends from school I want to challenge you to find your old turntable and set it up. Bring out Black Sabbath, Kiss, Aerosmith (no, the old Aerosmith), Four Tops, the Eagles, and that other stuff that had your parents convinced you would never amount to anything.

Whether vinyl means anything to you or not, I want to encourage you to reflect on those good moments and people in your life and to enjoy the good things you have experienced. Perhaps consider if that simpler time has some values that you can import into your family in the present and future. If not, just smile at the good memories.

For your enjoyment here is Sarah’s “House of Mercy” video from the LP Undercurrent:

A question for you vinyl-era folks: What is the first LP you will play when you get that turntable set up?

I want to close with a disclaimer. For many people the past is not a happy repository of wonderful things to recall. For many the past is a painful reminder of tragedy, regret, and even evil. Because of this fact, I urge caution (and in many cases professional help) for delving into those types of hurts from the past.

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One Day You Will Be a Face on a Wall

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Recently a friend from church told me that he had arrived at a great insight. He realized that one day he will just be a face on a wall of his descendants.

We all have faces on our walls or in our photo albums of people that we knew and loved that are no longer with us. Perhaps your children know who they are, but do your grandchildren? Will your great-grandchildren and beyond?

It is surely true of us that we will also one day be a face on a wall. This prompted my friend to write a document (you can call it a book if you like) where he reflected on his life. He wrote his memories about his grandparents, parents, and his own life experiences. In his words, “It is no masterpiece.” I beg to differ. I think to his descendants who will one day tie his words to his face on the wall it will indeed be a masterpiece.

What about you? First of all, what kind of story are you writing and living that embraces the reality of your own mortality? That is what Forward Story is really all about. Then, what can you do to ensure that those who follow in your footsteps know something about you and the kind of life you lived? What can you do to give them more than just your face in a frame on a wall?

Thanks to Forest for sharing this perspective.

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Keeping Up Appearances

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Keeping Up Appearances logo

My wife and I are fond of British entertainment. One of the older shows we used to watch is called Keeping Up Appearances. The main character is Hyacinth Bucket. Now, to you her surname may appear to be properly pronounced like a pail in which you carry water. Oh no…. Her name, she insists, is pronounced Bouquet, as in an arrangement of flowers. You see, a bouquet is much more elegant than a bucket. Hyacinth tries really hard to distance herself from her low-class family and to convince the upper crust of society that she is one of them. She wants to belong.

The comedic angle is that she is not, in fact, one of them. There is great fun in watching her try to keep up the appearance that she is something that she is not.

On December 1 of each year I begin the process of revising my Forward Story. As I argue in my book, my vision for the future changes with the years and with my own ambitions and values. It would be ineffective to stick with a Forward Story from a decade ago. I need a new, fresh, and relevant story for what comes next. With this annual ritual, I always look back at where I have been and wonder how things might have been different. I try not to wallow in regret. The past is gone, and there is nothing to be done with it other than learn from it.

In retrospect I can see that in some ways I fell prey to the modern Western myth that materialism brings happiness. There have been cars, lots of cars – mostly new and financed. There has been a lot of skiing, tennis, and general fun. Nothing wrong with that, but the idea that it is my right and that somehow I am owed these things regardless of my budget causes problems. There have been homes bought and then left behind for something bigger and better, with a much larger mortgage. Some of what drove that was a desire to keep up with (or exceed?) those people I knew and spent time with. There was some sort of personal dignity issue tied to our stuff. We were in some ways keeping up an appearance. What no one could see was all of the debt behind the scenes propping up the appearance.

We finally came to our senses around 10 years ago and got out of the appearances game. As a result we have a lot fewer of the trappings of success and a lot more actual substance. I give a lot of credit to Dave Ramsey for giving us the kick in the backside that we needed to realize where all that keeping up of appearances had gotten us.

As I was listening recently to a young couple on the Dave Ramsey show explaining how they got completely out of debt, one of them said she had learned how to be content. I think that is also a big key for us. It is a challenge to be content when you live in a materialistic society where some of the smartest and best educated people in that society get paid a lot of money to make you want the products they are selling. That old car just doesn’t look as good as that brand new luxury car on TV with the big red bow on top.

As we finish off another year and get ready for a new one, ask yourself if you are keeping up any appearances. I have found that it is expensive and burdensome. There is a lot of peace in setting all that aside in favor of contentment.

Let me know if you would like any help in getting started with your own personal Forward Story. I would love to hear from you.

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In Tribute to Toby

A Royal Corgi to Us

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On Wednesday of this week (4/18/18) at least two beloved corgis ended their stays on earth. One belonged to Queen Elizabeth (the last of her famous corgis), and one belonged to us. Both the Queen’s Willow and our Toby were 14 years old.

The news coverage all says that Queen Elizabeth was hit “extremely hard” by the loss of Willow. We understand. Both of these dogs were important and loved.

I know how it is when other people lose a pet. I empathize with them, but there is no way I can know about everything they will miss about that pet. So it is with our Toby to you. He was our family member, not yours. I am certain you can understand what we are feeling, but you cannot know exactly what made Toby special to our family. So for my sake I need to write a few words. You might find something here for you as well, but even if not I hope you will understand my need to pay tribute to our royal corgi. He was certainly treated like royalty around here.

Margot and Toby – March 2004

In tribute to him I need to say that he was our first corgi. We got him as a puppy from Yvonne Gerhardt in Fredericksburg, Texas. I will never forget that spring break when we spent a few days in Fredericksburg. Our primary mission was meeting with Yvonne and getting our new family member. He was so tiny.

He was everything we wanted in a dog.

As he grew we added another corgi, Fiona, to the mix. We also added our daughter’s corgi mix, Rhett. They were quite the threesome. Fiona ruled the roost until she left us. Toby and Rhett got along splendidly, and now Rhett is wondering why the house is so quiet.

Toby loved food. Breakfast, midday snack, dinner, midnight snack. He would eat as much as we would feed him. He never lost that right up until the very last. More about that later.

Toby’s “personality” was not without its challenges. Many years ago when our son’s girlfriend was at our house for a Super Bowl party, she reached down to pet Toby and he bit her finger. We think it was the anxiety of having a house full of young people, but he did it. We were very cautious after that, but when he would get surprised, he would sometimes snap. Many years ago he bit a vet (at our former clinic) despite our warning her that he sometimes bites. Instead of exercising caution, she reached down to pet him and drew back a bitten finger.

Matt, Toby, and Fiona

That particular bite was especially costly. When the vet went to the emergency room for her finger (which I still think was unwarranted, but whatever), the authorities filed a report and we got a knock at the door from the puppy police. City ordinance required that Toby go to dog jail (quarantine) for 10 days. The only place we could find that would take him was Premier Animal Hospital in Cedar Park, Texas. That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship that continues to this day.

Not only did Toby graduate from quarantine, he thrived under the care of Dr. Todd Rabon and the staff at Premier. I wish I could properly convey the gratitude that my family and I have for Dr. Rabon. As a Longhorn with a lot of friends and family who are Aggies, he is right up there as one of my favorite Aggies. He is a compassionate human being who understands what people go through when it is time to say goodbye. He does it right.

Before I get to the Toby sendoff, I have to say that Dr. Rabon’s care of Toby over the years included the removal of a toe that had to go and the removal of a cancerous tumor last November. Through all of the years of care, no one at Premier was ever bitten. That is a testament to the professionalism of this organization.

The Gum Caper

Two years ago there was also The Gum Caper. The child of a friend who was staying with us for a couple of days left a pack of sugar-free gum in her suitcase in the guest room and left the door open. Toby found it and enlisted Rhett’s help in consuming pretty much every last bite. When I discovered it I saw enough of the remaining package to know that they had eaten gum sweetened with xylitol. As you may know, xylitol is very toxic to dogs. Since it was after hours, off we went to the ER. After staying all night in the ER getting treatment, they were then transferred to Dr. Rabon at Premier where he successfully treated them. The total bill between the ER and the follow-up was $3,646. That hurt, but we were so grateful that they were both in such great hands. I understand that Toby and Rhett were known for a while at Premier as The Xylitol Twins.

Toby and his buddy Rhett

It was the cancerous tumor that was removed last November that came back and ultimately led us to the recent decision. I mentioned how much Toby loved food. Let’s just say that the awesome vet tech, Meredith, knew this and lavished Toby with incredible treats and sent him out a very happy dog. We will forever be grateful to both Meredith and Dr. Rabon. You guys are simply the best. Our entire family appreciates your compassion and professionalism.

Closing Thoughts

I vividly remember 16 years ago both of my kids, dogless at the time, exerting maximum pressure on me to add a canine to our feline household. I resisted for two years until I was finally worn down. They did not know the real reason that I resisted for so long. It was not because I disliked dogs. In fact, it was the exact opposite. I love dogs. I grew up with a wonderful beagle named Snoopy. I still get teary-eyed thinking about Snoopy. What I knew sixteen years ago about dogs is that they do not live forever. There always comes a day like Wednesday when the Queen and I have to say goodbye to our corgis.

Toby and Kellen at Christmas

Sixteen years ago I was basically a coward not wanting the hurt of saying goodbye. I was wrong. This really does hurt terribly, but I was wrong. I would not trade one day of our 14 years with Toby to avoid this pain (OK, maybe I would trade the days that he bit someone). This pain is rendered irrelevant compared to the incredible journey of sharing our lives with old Toby.

Margot and I both thanked Toby for being such a great companion. Our house will never be the same, but our lives are richer for having shared them with Toby. The tears will slow, but the memories will never stop.

I will miss you and those big beautiful ears, Toby-Bear.

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My Dad is a Man

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miller-fordMy Dad is a man. I don’t mean he is a male — that much is obvious. I mean he is a man in the sense that he is what we call a manly man.

He was a good athlete. He hunts. He fishes. He has at least one of every power tool ever made…and he has used them all. Heck, at age 76 he still uses them all. He is an accomplished mechanic who restores vintage cars like Ford Model Ts. He welds. He mows. He chainsaws. He is a master with the smoker and grill. His brisket is still the standard by which I measure all others. What I am saying is that by every standard by which masculinity is usually measured, he is manly.

It has always been easy for me to look at him and see what a man looks like, but that is not what makes him so special. There are manly men everywhere. What makes him special is the ease with which he models both his manliness and his sensitivity. From the time I was a small child he was comfortable with hugging me and telling me he loved me. We still hug. We still affirm our love for each other. I have come to realize that not all fathers know how to do that. He is a gentle and kind man. He is a man of faith.

My grandfather died when I was five years old. I still remember him, but the memories are veiled by years and by my age at the time. So, I don’t know if he modeled this physical and verbal form of fatherhood for my Dad to see. I will find out today when I speak to him on Father’s Day. Regardless of where he learned it, Dad decided that he would tell his children that he loves them and that he would embrace them to demonstrate his love. He has been consistent with it. I am grateful for that. It helped me see that there is no contradiction between masculinity and sensitivity.

I have friends who did not have that kind of model in their father. Some of them struggle with showing affection to their children. I cannot blame them because the way we are raised has a powerful impact on how we parent. If you are one of those men who struggles with kindness, affection, and expressiveness with your children, let me challenge you to break the cycle. Find a man who does it the way you want to do it and have a conversation with him. Try it sometime with your children even though it may feel strange. You have the opportunity to start a new family tradition that you can pass along to your children and grandchildren. Boys need to see this positive practice of masculinity, and girls need to see it as well.

There are really no downsides to my Dad’s approach. I highly recommend it, and I try to practice it myself.

So, thank you, Miller Lee.

I love you.