Rescuing Rhett

On Monday, April 4, 2022 an era ended for our family. Our beloved corgi Rhett passed away peacefully at home in his sleep in his favorite sleeping spot. That he had such a peaceful passing was a great mercy to us. He removed the trauma that we dreaded.

It is the end of an era because he was the final packmate of the trio that included our other beloved corgis Fiona and Toby. Those two were our originals that we adopted when our children were still young and at home. Rhett joined their already well-established pecking order and found a way to fit right in. For the next many years our house was a flurry of furry activity. It was equally noisy and enchanting.

Rhett’s life began at a breeder operation about an hour from us that was dubious, to be kind. To not be kind, it was a puppy mill. Our daughter was at college and wanted a dog to keep her company. She loved our other corgis, so I began looking for corgis in our area. I found this breeder online. We drove there to meet Rhett for the first time. He had been born in October, so he was only a few weeks old when we met him in November 2009.

We waited in the office while Rhett was brought in to us. He was so tiny and so precious. It was love at first sight. Honestly, how can you not fall in love at first sight with all puppies? I requested to see the mother and father (or dam and sire, if you prefer breeder talk). The woman was very reluctant to let me see them. I insisted. She took me back through a maze of dilapidated buildings to a ramshackle shed where this poor mother dog was living in what appeared to me to be squalid conditions. It made me sad. It also made me angry.

I have titled this article “Rescuing Rhett” because once I saw the conditions in which he was born, I intended to rescue him as soon as possible to give him the life he deserved. I was able to do just that on December 10, 2009. I drove down there with a new crate and brought him back to our house. After Rhett was safely in our lives, I also filed a complaint with the authorities about the abysmal conditions at that facility. I never got closure on that, but in my mind I hope that is reason there is no longer any online presence for that breeder.

Off Rhett went to college with Kellen in January 2010 as a very young pup. It was in Lubbock, Texas that he provided love to a college student far from home. There he learned to chase frisbees, go on walks, and keep watch over the apartment as his Mom was at school. Later our son also joined our daughter at college in Lubbock, and he spent a lot of time with Rhett as well.

Every pet has unique characteristics. Rhett had many. One of his most endearing was that when he was picked up and held, he would put his chin on your shoulder facing backward. To us it seemed like a hug, so we would ask him, “Hugs?” Then he would dutifully allow us to pick him and up and hold him in that embrace. He was especially willing to give hugs to Kellen and Matt.

I have lost some of the exact chronology, but once Kellen finished college she and Rhett moved home and lived in an apartment. Then, through an apartment change that allowed no pets, it made sense for Rhett to come live with us and join the existing pack of two with Toby and Fiona. After a short adjustment time, the three of them had the pecking order worked out. Fiona was the Alpha and in charge, but she allowed Rhett to wrestle with her and chew on her a little. There was a limit to that, however, and she would let him know when he had crossed the line.

At various points both Kellen and Matt lived with us and our pack for short times while they were getting started in their careers, so all of us got to enjoy the corgi pack. We have special memories of all three dogs interacting together. Corgis are such entertaining little beings.

In August 2015 Fiona was the first of our pack to cross the Rainbow Bridge. Toby and Rhett became closer and inseparable.

One story from that timeframe. In July 2016 some friends visited us from out of state and stayed at our house. One of the children in that family left her bedroom door open with a suitcase on the floor. Toby, who was always food-crazy, found a package of sugar-free gum. He recruited Rhett to help him devour the package. When we discovered this situation, we realized that the gum was sweetened with Xylitol – very toxic to dogs. Given that it was a weekend, we had to take them both to the emergency veterinarian. When all was said and done, the final tally was $3,646. That was a very expensive pack of gum! From that point forward our vet clinic referred to Toby and Rhett as “The Xylitol Twins.”

We lost Toby in April 2018. He had been our first corgi. As with Fiona, it was very painful to let him go. Our house was much quieter with only little Rhett left. He was never a loud dog, except for four triggers which would set him off. We are certain that he learned his hatred of all three from Fiona. If you wanted Rhett to bark and make a racket, just put a new trash bag in the garbage bin, run a vacuum cleaner across the floor, set up the ironing board, or fire up the hair dryer. I am sure Fiona was proud of her understudy as he faithfully maintained her legacy.

In April 2019 Rhett was diagnosed with Progressive Retinal Atrophy (PRA), a genetic condition allowed to occur because of the unethical breeder, who did not do needed testing before breeding the sire and dam. Our veterinary ophthalmologist explained that every puppy born to that mother and father will have developed PRA. It leads to blindness, and there is no cure.

So, the last few years of his life Rhett was in near-total blindness. It was amazing to see him use his senses of smell, hearing, and touch to compensate for his loss of vision. We had a dog door onto the back patio and into the back yard. Even with his deteriorating sight, he would easily go out and spend hours on the patio enjoying the great outdoors. He had every square inch of that house mapped.

Then in July 2021, we moved into a new house. The back yard is steep enough to require stairs. Stairs are one obstacle Rhett could not master. It was too dangerous. So there was no dog door for him at the new place. Even so, after a couple of challenging weeks, he adjusted beautifully to the new house. The covered back patio was a place he really enjoyed hanging out. We installed a gate so he could not wander onto the stairs. He really enjoyed spending time on that patio and feeling the breeze. He loved being with us and was our constant companion. He was an important part of our human pack.

A couple of additional observations about Rhett. He hated riding in the car. By the time we got him to the vet, he was incredibly stressed and shaking. Like I said, dogs all have their own little idiosyncrasies. Also, when our young grandson would visit us and eat in his high chair, much of what was intended for his mouth ended up on the floor. This was fine with Rhett, who hung out underneath and kept the area clean.

As I already mentioned, even though Rhett was a quiet dog, he was not silent. Our house is now much quieter. There is no more clicking of nails on the floor. There is no more shaking of his collar tag. There is no more sprinting for doors that are opened. Of course, we think of him anytime we vacuum, dry hair, or put in a new trash bag. It is quiet. There is also no longer a faithful companion waiting by the front door or the garage entry door for our return. 

I must thank my Dad for helping take care of Rhett each time we were out of town. My Dad is a definite “dog person.” He had a special place in his heart for Rhett. I know he misses him, too. I also want to thank him for being there for me as we laid Rhett to rest under his and Mom’s Memorial Oak. It is a perfect place where Rhett joins their beloved dog Prissy and Charley the cat, as well as my sister’s cats Buddy and Sasha. Margot and I are grateful.

As with Fiona and Toby, I once again want to thank Dr. Todd Rabon at VCA Premiere Animal Hospital for his compassionate care for Rhett.

At the end of this era, what did Rhett mean to us? He brightened our lives with companionship and happiness. He was important not only to Margot and me, but also to Kellen and Matt. As with Fiona, Toby, and all of the special cats we have had, we stand in admiration – no, we stand in awe – of God’s creative work.

I miss you, Rhett. I love you, buddy. Thank you for sharing our lives with us.

Vinyl & Nostalgia

Nostalgia.

What is it?

Dictionary.com says it is

a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time”

Nostalgia can be unhelpful, even dangerous. For example, it is not good if all you ever do is wish for the past and use that to avoid the responsibility of the present and future. That type of nostalgia is not what I have in mind.

Nostalgia can be a good thing when it reminds you of some happy or important aspect of your story. Benjamin Franklin said “Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.” When we look back on the way things were at some earlier stage of life, we are looking back on our time and how we spent it. Hopefully we did not squander it. This type of nostalgia is a type of remembering. It can be a way of remembering important values and practices.

Most of us get nostalgic when looking at old photos or watching old family movies, but it can happen at a moment’s notice in other ways as well. One of the pleasant surprises that I have experienced over the last few years is the revelation that one of my favorite musical artists is actually the niece of one of my former high school teammates. I get some degree of satisfaction knowing that I was a fan of her music before I knew who her uncle was. The fact that her uncle is David just makes it all the more enjoyable to me.

The artist is Grammy award-winning singer-songwriter Sarah Jarosz.

A couple of years ago we attended her concert in Austin. We got to meet her and tell her of my connection with David. For some reason that night I bought her latest album in vinyl instead of CD. I cannot explain why I did that because we had not had our old turntable set up and working for over twenty-five years.

More recently it was our pleasure to meet Sarah’s parents, Gary and Mary, as well. They are lovely people enjoying their daughter’s immense talent along with the rest of us.

This past weekend I dusted off the old stereo equipment, bought some new speakers and speaker wire, and connected the turntable. The first vinyl I played? You guess it – Undercurrent, Sarah’s LP (that stands for “Long Play” for you whippersnappers) that we bought that night.

This vinyl recording is new so it is missing the signature pops and crackles of an old dusty record, but it still takes me back to the day when this was how music was enjoyed. It reminded me of Darrell Starnes and the parties at his house. It reminded me of Guy Anderson and his love for music. It reminded me of strobe lights, black lights, the robot, and the friends I grew up with at a place and time that had a lot of good things about it. It was not perfect. That is one of the dangers of nostalgia – it often conveniently glosses over and idealizes a previous era.

So it wasn’t perfect, but it was pretty good. Music was a big part of it, as it is for every generation from Big Band to Hip Hop. My friends and I were all adept at playing vinyl records, both 33 and 1/3s and 45s (look it up). My parents before me even played 78s. We all knew how to operate the equipment and where to buy the new albums.

There is something wonderful about the fact that my return to vinyl was inspired by a young artist who was not yet even born the last time my turntable was in operation. I am glad I did not toss our large vinyl collection. I am eager to break out the old stuff. To my friends from school I want to challenge you to find your old turntable and set it up. Bring out Black Sabbath, Kiss, Aerosmith (no, the old Aerosmith), Four Tops, the Eagles, and that other stuff that had your parents convinced you would never amount to anything.

Whether vinyl means anything to you or not, I want to encourage you to reflect on those good moments and people in your life and to enjoy the good things you have experienced. Perhaps consider if that simpler time has some values that you can import into your family in the present and future. If not, just smile at the good memories.

For your enjoyment here is Sarah’s “House of Mercy” video from the LP Undercurrent:

A question for you vinyl-era folks: What is the first LP you will play when you get that turntable set up?

I want to close with a disclaimer. For many people the past is not a happy repository of wonderful things to recall. For many the past is a painful reminder of tragedy, regret, and even evil. Because of this fact, I urge caution (and in many cases professional help) for delving into those types of hurts from the past.

One Day You Will Be a Face on a Wall

Recently a friend from church told me that he had arrived at a great insight. He realized that one day he will just be a face on a wall of his descendants.

We all have faces on our walls or in our photo albums of people that we knew and loved that are no longer with us. Perhaps your children know who they are, but do your grandchildren? Will your great-grandchildren and beyond?

It is surely true of us that we will also one day be a face on a wall. This prompted my friend to write a document (you can call it a book if you like) where he reflected on his life. He wrote his memories about his grandparents, parents, and his own life experiences. In his words, “It is no masterpiece.” I beg to differ. I think to his descendants who will one day tie his words to his face on the wall it will indeed be a masterpiece.

What about you? First of all, what kind of story are you writing and living that embraces the reality of your own mortality? That is what Forward Story is really all about. Then, what can you do to ensure that those who follow in your footsteps know something about you and the kind of life you lived? What can you do to give them more than just your face in a frame on a wall?

Thanks to Forest for sharing this perspective.

Time Marches On – Mindfulness

If you keep a journal or write a blog — anything with dated entries — you are aware of the fact that time marches on. Even if you do not write with dated entries, you perceive the constant march. As I look back at the posts on this blog, I see large gaps of time where I did not post anything. It’s not that I was not busy or that life was not happening. In fact, the opposite is true. I have allowed the activity that springs from my many commitments to prevent me from writing for this site.

Among the many things I have been doing is completing the book Forward Story: Write the Future You Desire. I fully expected to have the printed books in hand by now, but I am learning the challenges of publishing. It is making me even more appreciative of the blessing of books and what goes into their creation. My already lofty view of books has increased considerably. (Update: the book was finally published in 2015).

How do we develop the perspective that since time marches on, we should be about things that really matter? At war with this obvious truth are the daily requirements of life like work, paying bills, buying groceries, changing the oil, and cooking dinner.

I believe the solution is what my good friend David calls “mindfulness.” This is making a conscious decision to be mindful about your life, your future, your past, and your day today.

If we live mindfully, we engage life as an adventure and remain active in bathing our experiences with substance and meaning.

How do you handle the march of time?

What Will You Never Regret?

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I appreciate the fact that you are reading this blog. I desire not only to share what I have learned about life and the future, but to learn from you as well. At this time I could really use your help. I am working on a chapter in my book on regret.

Most of us have regrets over things we have done in the past or over opportunities we have missed. Sometimes this regret can be very serious and require professional help. Other times it just nags at us and ties us to the past.

Here is what I would like to know from you. Envision yourself at the end of your life. You are about to complete this journey. You look back across the years and think about all that you have done, seen, and experienced.

What are the things that at the end of your life you will never regret having done?

Please “Leave a Reply” below to share your thoughts. If you prefer, you can also leave your thoughts on our Facebook page: www.facebook.com/ForwardStory

Mind-Mapping the Nearer Term – Adding Age 25

In our last article our 18 year-old John completed his mind map for the time-frame 12 years down the road when he is 30 years old. He put in writing in his mind map his various dreams and goals across three areas – family, career, and personal. However, there is a large gap between where John is right now at 18 and where he wants to be when he is 30. Now comes a crucial step for John. He must answer the question, “How do I get there from here?”

When we introduced John in this series we identified the time-frames that he will plan for. The exact time-frames are flexible and can be defined as John desires. The most important thing is that these time windows make sense to the person creating the mind map – in this case John. Here is the mind map we laid out for John: (all images will enlarge when clicked)

With his age 30 mind-map completed, the next time-frame for John is the next seven years. At the end of that window he will be 25 years old. This period is exactly five years before the age 30 period he has already completed. With each new time period, John has to review the plans he has already written to make sure that what he plans in this new time-frame truly enables him to accomplish what he has already written in his longer time-frames. For example:

  • Family. John wants to be living near his parents when he is 30 in order to be able to take care of them. The likelihood of that happening will depend in large part on John’s decisions by age 25. He has to make sure that this new time-frame takes location into account.
  • Career. John said that when he is 30 he will be in his 7th year of work as an engineer. In order for this to happen, John needs to have already been an engineer for two years by the time he is 25. If he were now to write that by age 25 he wants to start his first job as an engineer, there is no way he will be in his 7th year of work when he is 30. This is why he must review what he has already written.
  • Personal. Since John wants to be under 190 pounds by the time he is 30, he will want to make sure he is setting a realistic goal for his age 25 time-frame with regard to his weight and health. If he does not pay attention to his weight and instead gains weight in his early to mid twenties, John may have weight problem to deal with when he is 30.

In this way John reviews what is already planned in longer time-frames and begins to write a coherent plan for the shorter time-frames. It is important to note that John’s already completed age 30 plan is not chiseled in stone. In working on an earlier time-frame he may discover that something he has written for age 30 cannot be accomplished by that time. OR he may determine that he has been too conservative and that he can really accomplish more in that more distant period. In either case he will need to go back to age 30 and make changes so that his plan has a realistic shot of success. In this way, the entire process is really an iterative process. That is, it will likely take several iterations (or repetitions) to develop a coherent plan.

Back to Age 25

After reviewing his age 30 mind map, John will now begin writing for age 25 across all three realms. Here is the blank template for age 25 with the familiar fields to guide John in his planning.

Since John has already completed his more distant time-frame, he can more easily step back in time and create his goals:

Family

  • Family Status: Mom & Dad 62, Steve 27, Jane 24, Kate 20
  • If we are not already living near Mom & Dad, we will look for career opportunities to move closer.
  • Steve may have children by this time, and it is important to me to be a good uncle to my nieces and nephews. This is true even if we do not live near one another.
  • I will have contributed my love and help to Jane and will have a healthy, supportive relationship with her as an older brother. I will maintain healthy boundaries.
  • I will continue my strong relationship with Kate and assist her in whatever ways she needs me.
  • I may be an uncle to Jane and/or Kate’s children at this point. As with Steve’s, I will invest in these nieces and nephews and be a wonderful uncle to them.
  • Robin and I will be celebrating our third anniversary.
  • I will support her in her career, life, and interests.
  • I will spend quality time with her and work seriously on making our marriage great. I will invest in us.
  • We may have children by this time. I will take fatherhood seriously and will look out for the well-being of them all.

In reviewing his age 30 map, John notices that he failed to say anything about his in-laws in what he wrote about family. He address this now in the new time-frame by writing:

  • I will make it easy for Robin and the kids to spend time with her parents.
  • I will look for ways to help Robin’s parents.

Also, now that John has identified this oversight from the age 30 plan, he will go back to that age 30 map and add his thinking about his in-laws.

Career

  • I will be in my 2nd year of work as an engineer.
  • I will establish a reputation as a person with a strong work ethic.
  • I will cultivate relationships with engineers I admire in order to learn from them and grow my network.
  • I will look for and participate in continuing education opportunities.
  • I will earn at least $60,000 per year.
  • We will practice wise budgeting and will pay off all student loan debt.

Personal

Body/Health

  • I will keep my weight under 190 pounds.
  • I will play tennis and walk regularly.
  • I will eat a healthy diet, and continually educate myself about the latest in nutritional science.
  • I will get annual physicals from my doctor.

Fun

  • I will take guitar lessons and review the fundamentals of music.
  • I will play in at least one charity golf tournaments each year for fun and to support good causes.
  • I will hunt annually with my Dad and brother.

The World

  • I will explore various charities and volunteer my time to determine the place I am most passionate about serving.
  • I will explore the mentoring a young person through Big Brothers/Big Sisters.
  • I will financially support humanitarian relief efforts through world-class charities.
  • I will vote in local, state, and national elections as an exercise of my civic duty and of patriotic gratitude.

Spiritual

  • I will continue to learn and explore my own spiritual nature and the nature of God.
  • I will focus on my spiritual journey with my wife and grow along with her.
  • I will explore and identify a good group of people/church to belong to and to do spiritual work with.
  • I will strive to be consistent in my religious beliefs and allow them to guide my actions in work and personal life.

Here is all of this information in the mind map for age 25:

When both the age 25 and age 30 map are included, here is John’s map. Remember, this image will enlarge:

Now that we have gone through two different time-frames for John we can begin to understand the process for doing a complete mind map. I think you will agree that it is actually hard work. We have not even completed John’s plan yet for his two closest time-frames. One thing that will emerge as we look to the closer time-frames is that the specific goals will become more like tasks as he begins to realize actions he will need to take to make his longer vision a reality. In our next article we will examine how the closest time-frames will drive John’s actions.