Category Archives: Behavior

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Planting Seeds for the Future

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This year I decided I needed to grow something. I have never had a garden or really any interest in gardening, but over the past year I have gotten a lot more interested in food. Though life-long city-dwellers, my wife and I have become regulars at our local farmers’ market and have completely changed the quality of food we eat. We have bought in to the “farm-to-table” movement.

So I decided to try to grow something. I wanted to start small and pick a fairly easy plant to grow for our climate. I chose jalapeno peppers. Following my regular approach to any new subject, I read a lot of information about how to grow plants in containers. I bought some organic seeds, two containers, organic potting soil, organic fertilizer, and organic compost. On May 7, 2013 for the first time in my life I planted seeds. I put five seeds in each container at about 1/4″ depth and then watered. It felt good to get my hands dirty. These hands are normally on a keyboard, so this was a different sensation. I haven’t played in the dirt much since I was a kid. Here is what my plants look like three days after planting.

Potential Jalapeno Plants

Potential Jalapeno Plants

Not much to see right? According to the seed packet, these seeds should germinate in 10-25 days.

So now I wait.

Actually, now I water and wait. If I fail to water I will be waiting for a long time. However, even if I water diligently there is nothing I can do right now to speed up the process. Nature dictates that these seeds take 10-25 days to germinate in the proper conditions.

It is hard to wait.

I remember my Grandfather Adcox making us wait on Christmas Eve (which was our family’s big gift exchange). The brightly wrapped boxes piled up under the tree were adorned with seductive bows and paper snowmen. We were bursting at the seams wanting to get at those boxes — but PawPaw had his rules. With a twinkle in his eyes, he explained that those rules had something to do with the sun setting or a certain time on the clock. Whatever it was, it was excruciating. As we waited, those packages taunted us.

We don’t like to wait.

And yet, waiting is required for most good things. We have many aphorisms and proverbs about patience and waiting:

  • A watched pot never boils.
  • Good things come to those who wait.
  • “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” – Jean-Jacques Rousseau
  • Rome wasn’t built in a day.

So, I am not waiting for Godot, but rather for the first green sprouts from my new pepper plants. It is hard to wait, but at least I have planted and watered. If you never plant, you will not reap. My Grandfather, who was a master gardener, would be proud of these first small steps I have taken.

Sowing and reaping is a powerful metaphor. It is a law of nature. You cannot reap if you have not planted. Even if  you have planted you will likely not reap if you do not continue watering, weeding, and providing the proper nutrition. It takes work. You have to nurse and tend the process.

What is it in your life that you want to reap? What steps should you be taking to get your seed in the ground and to help it grow? It will take patience and hope while you water and work, but in the end you should have a reward for your labors.

I will provide an update on my project in time. All I have to do now is work.

And wait.

UPDATE 5/17/2013

Today was day 10 since I planted my seeds. Today began like every other day, with me checking the containers carefully at around 7 AM for any signs of life.

Nothing.

But then I checked again after lunch, and lo and behold I saw something, ever so slight, that is green. I surprised myself by how excited I got. Take a look:

Ten Days After Planting Seeds

Ten Days After Planting Seeds

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So now, I wait again.

Don’t forget the update on 3/25/2014.

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In the Unlikely Event of a Loss of Cabin Pressure

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http://airlineworld.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/safety_oxygen_mask.jpg

http://airlineworld.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/safety_oxygen_mask.jpg

If you have ever flown, you have heard the speech:

In the unlikely event of a loss of cabin pressure, panels above your seat will open revealing oxygen masks. Reach up and pull a mask towards you. Place it over your nose and mouth, and secure with the elastic band that can be adjusted to ensure a snug fit. The plastic bag will not fully inflate, although oxygen is flowing. Secure your own mask first before helping others.

Notice that curious last sentence. Why should you secure your own mask first before helping others? Isn’t that selfish? What if your small child is seated next to you and is gasping for air? What if your elderly mother is traveling with you and needs help? Are you really supposed to look out for Number One?

Of course, most of us can explain the reason why we should secure our own mask first. Of what use will you be to your child or mother if you have lost consciousness because of a lack of oxygen? In this emergency situation we can see the importance of taking care of ourselves.

For some reason, though, when we start to think about all of our different responsibilities, many of us feel guilt about taking care of ourselves with regard to our physical, mental, and spiritual health.

Realms

I want to suggest that each of us operates in many different realms. The concept of realms was introduced in our series on mind maps. The three realms I like to work with are the realms of:

  • Family
  • Personal
  • Career

These categories could be named differently and can be expanded in different ways, but I think these three realms can encompass everything I need to take care of in my life in order to be happy, healthy, and productive. All of these realms impact the other. For example, Personal includes my body and my health. When I make a point of eating right, getting proper exercise, and going to the doctor, am I being selfish? Let’s say that in the interest of not being selfish I do not eat right, do not do proper exercise, and do not go to the doctor. What is almost certain to happen? From experience I know that I would get sick, get fat, feel terrible, and likely shorten my life. In that condition what is my capacity to take care of my family or my career? You see, this is like putting on your oxygen mask first. As I take care of myself, I have more energy and health to take care of my responsibilities and dreams in the realms of Family and Career.

It is important that we also avoid extremes. What if I have really bought into the importance of taking care of my body and my health to the point that I exercise five hours per day, and spend half the family budget on nutritional supplements and personal trainers? No good. That is an extreme. That much time spent on body and health would likely harm my family relationships, which require time. It would also likely harm my relationship with my employer and negatively impact my career. There is delicate interplay between all three of these realms. If I go crazy in any one of them, it will likely be to the detriment of one or both of the other realms.

So, am I arguing for balance? I think the word balance is going a bit too far. If by balance we mean an equal allocation of time to all three realms, that is not what I mean. There are times when my job and career take an inordinate amount of time and focus. During those times I may feel pressure in the realms of Family and Personal. If a family member is sick and needs my attention, I may feel pressure in my Career and Personal realms. The important thing is to be conscious of all three realms and to not let one dominate the others for great periods of time. If your job and career dominates your life for a long period of time, for example, divorces often follow. If your focus on health and body dominates for long periods of time, your Career may suffer.

So, back to the oxygen mask. The fact that you put your mask on first means that you are taking care of the caregiver. That is not where you stop, though. You have taken care of yourself SO THAT you can take care of your child or mother. The reason we take care of our own health is so that we have the capacity to do all of the other things we need to do. In the next article we will expand our three realms more and discuss each sub-realm in more detail.

 

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Trajectory

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http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

Think of your life as a dart on a certain trajectory. Are you likely to hit your target?

When you think of your current life trajectory you are immediately forced into a glimpse of the future. While none of us can truly glimpse the future, I believe we all walk around with some sense of how our lives are going and whether we are “on track” or not. Of course, “on track” for you is likely quite different from “on track” for me. You cannot define my track, and I cannot define yours. This relates to ambition. We all get to have our own. The important thing is to make an honest assessment of where you currently are, what you are currently thinking and doing, and where you want to go. Are you likely to get there or not in the right time with your current bearings?

The powerful thing about the human experience is that in a free society you possess the power to alter your course. Unlike a dart that has been hurled, you are capable of course correcting from this point forward. For you that course correction might be new education, different friends, a different job, a different career path, or a new relationship. Whatever it is, you can do it if it really matters to you. It comes back to what “on track” means and how much you desire that outcome.

It may be that your honest assessment of your current trajectory reveals that you are indeed on track. If so, your challenge will simply be patience and endurance. Make that a priority by keeping your eyes on the prize.

Is your current trajectory likely to lead to your desired outcome?

If so, endure.

If not, make a move.

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Holidays Don’t Scare Me

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Pumpkin Swirl Cheesecake (Wheat-Free & Sugar-Free)

In February 2012 my wife and I transformed the way we eat. We did something radical and eliminated all wheat from our diet. Cold turkey. One day I was eating a sandwich – the next day I was not. The results have been amazing. If you consider all of the foods we eat that contain wheat, you could end up with the same reaction as comedian John Pinette:

The winter holidays for our family are dominated not only by the warm glow of being with family and loved ones, but also by incredible food. Like many Americans, our holiday food is rich and delicious, but not ideal for people concerned about their weight and health. As we approached Thanksgiving 2012, our first Thanksgiving without wheat, I was a little concerned. Would I really be able to say no to the macaroni and cheese? Could I pass on the cookies, cakes, and pies that are such a wonderful part of our family’s tradition? Would I hurt someone’s feelings by saying “no thanks” to their famous goodie? This really was a concern.

I should have known that our family would be very supportive and non-judgmental about our food. We are very fortunate to have a family that wants what is best for us, even if it seems weird to them. Going wheat-free or gluten-free certainly does seem weird to many people. I also attribute our holiday success to two factors that relate to our Forward Story.

1. Forward Vision. Because our health is such a priority for us, we try to view each daily decision through the lens of the future. If I choose to eat these cookies, will the ensuing discomfort and negative health consequences be worth the temporary pleasure enjoyed? Listen, for my wife’s pies and cookies, the answer is almost yes. But we try to follow the philosophy that “Nothing tastes as good as being lean and fit feels.” By considering the future consequences of the current decision, I tend to make better decisions. In a previous article we referred to this as future-oriented behavior.

2. Planning for Success. The photo at the top of this post is the pumpkin swirl cheesecake that my wife made for Thanksgiving. It is a wheat-free and sugar-free recipe from Maria Emmerich. It is remarkable. The fact that we knew Thanksgiving could be a challenge for us led us to plan to have a viable alternative. This cheesecake was so good that even the wheat eaters in our family liked it. Along with the non-judgmental attitude of our family, having this alternative led to our success. It has given us confidence that in the future we can handle Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the challenges presented at birthday parties and other family gatherings as long as we plan for success. Planning for this success and actually following through on that plan was a key.

I accept the fact that having forward vision and planning for success does not come naturally for everyone. In fact, it may not come naturally for any of us, but some of us do seem to more naturally adopt these practices. If you struggle in this area, I want to encourage you that these are skills you can cultivate. If you do, you will be pleased with the results. It is worth the effort to grow in this area of your life.

I am now only 13 pounds away from my weight as a senior in high school 32 years ago! I am now 37 pounds lighter than when I began. I want to say thanks to our family for their support. It means a lot to have a good network of people that care about us.

Tell me about your own Forward Story. How do you employ forward vision and plan for success?

Has the role your family has played been a positive or a negative for you?

 

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What About John?

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Our series on John and his mind-maps for the future has been paused for a couple of months. The next post in the series is well underway, but it is not ready to be published yet. I thought I would think out loud for a couple of minutes about why it is so difficult to write about John and his Forward Story.

http://www.stockfreeimages.com/

  1. Writing is Hard Work. In order to say something well requires effort. It requires thinking, organizing, and then stringing letters into words into sentences into paragraphs.
  2. Writing a Forward Story is Even Harder Work. In addition to the normal challenges of writing, a Forward Story requires a lot of thinking, organizing, and planning across multiple domains and across multiple time-frames. By definition, this requires effort.
  3. It is Boring to Invent Someone Else’s Forward Story. Listen, when I am dreaming, planning, and writing about my future, I find it exciting and have no trouble staying focused. After all, it is my life I am writing about. When I am writing the fictional Forward Story for a fictional person, it is a bit of a challenge. Let’s be honest. We all tend to procrastinate tedious tasks.

So this explains why the series has stalled a bit. However, John’s story is being written and will re-emerge here soon. The reason it is important to complete the series is that John’s planning is a model for how you and I will write our own stories. I think you will agree that you will not be bored by your own story. So, to that end…stand by for adventure!

 

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How To Select a Great Coach

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Coaches are everywhere. It is difficult to find a domain where coaches are not present.

  • Football Coach
  • Track Coach
  • Golf Coach
  • Tennis Coach
  • Debate Coach
  • Job Coach
  • Executive Coach
  • Career Coach

Even if the title “coach” is not applied, often a person is still functioning as a coach. Sometimes we use the words “mentor” and “teacher” to refer to a coach.

What does it mean to coach, and why is it so important? To coach is to instruct, direct, train intensively, and to demonstrate. If you want to learn some new practice or activity that is not natural, you will learn faster and become better if you have a competent coach who can show you how to do it. Perhaps you want to learn to play golf. There is nothing natural about playing golf. How should you grip the club? Which club should you use? How is the golf swing started? What about the stance? Where should the ball be placed relative to your feet? How do you putt the ball? All of these questions and hundreds more need to be answered in order to become a good golfer. Not only do you need to know the answers to these questions, you need to actually practice doing them. Golf is a physical game that requires you actually golf. So, in addition to telling you how to do something and demonstrating how to do it, a coach also trains you. That is, she has you practice the behavior over and over until you do it right. Depending on what you are learning, the coach can be very demanding. This is the reason coaches are often viewed as strong leaders and disciplinarians. They train, direct, and instruct.

You Have to Want It

The truth is that no coach can coach you if you do not want to be coached. If your coach has told you to go run stairs to improve your fitness level, you will only run those stairs if you choose to do it. If you choose not to run those stairs when the coach has directed you to do it, there may well be consequences. For instance, you may be removed from the team. Or, you may simply not get to play. But, that is your choice and your right (at least in environments with individual liberties to choose). So, even though we may gripe and complain about how unreasonable the coach is being, ultimately we choose to be coached because we think it is important to achieve our ambition.

Have you noticed that it is not only the beginner that gets coached? The teams that are at the top of the sports world have coaches. Professional teams have the highest paid coaches. What this demonstrates is that coaching is vital in not only learning the basics, it is vital in learning how to achieve higher and higher levels of expertise. If this were not the case, the world’s greatest golfers would just direct their own practices and analyze their own swings. The better the player, the better coach he or she demands. This is because those players recognize the need for coaching and they want it. If they did not want it, they would not submit to coaching.

Competent Coaches

Unfortunately, not everyone that desires to coach is very good at it. If the golf coach you select doesn’t know much about golf or doesn’t know how to effectively teach you the game, how will that impact you? You will learn wrong information, develop bad habits, and likely not achieve your ambition. This is why it is so important to select your coaches carefully. Not everyone that wants to coach you is competent to do so. If you are a  middle school athlete, you don’t have a choice about who coaches you. If you want to play, you get the coaches that the school has assigned to coach you. Many of those coaches are outstanding, but some of them are still learning themselves how to coach.

Let’s move from school coaching and athletics to other domains of coaching. As stated at the outset, there are executive coaches, career coaches, and coaches for many different professional ambitions. If your ambition is to be a great sales professional, you need to select a great sales coach. You need someone competent to coach effective selling philosophy and to help you develop good selling behaviors. It is extremely important that you select someone with a proven track record of success. You need competency and effectiveness. How do you find it? The same way you select the hiring of a key employee or the purchase of an expensive car or piece of capital equipment. You do your “due diligence.”

Due Diligence

The concept of due diligence is well established in business and law. The term refers to a process of research, conversation, and discovery by which you get to the real truth. If you are looking to purchase a business from someone, you need to know the true status of the business, not just the pretty photos and the company narrative. You need to look into the books to see what the revenues and expenses are. You need to see the balance sheet to understand the company’s assets and liabilities. You need to speak to employees and customers to gauge the company’s strengths and weaknesses. Before you spend your money to buy this business, you need to be sure you have done your homework.

The decision about who will coach you deserves the same level of scrutiny. There are three important ways to search for a competent coach:

  1. Internet. As with most research these days, it will probably involve the internet. There is a wealth of information at click of a SEARCH button.
  2. Network. Speak to the people in your network about the subject of coaching. Find those people who are the best at what you want to do and ask them if they use coaches. Ask for specific names of coaches that they recommend.
  3. Interview. Once you have identified potential coaches, schedule an appointment to discuss their services. Plan your questions before you meet, and treat it like an employment interview. In a way it is. You will want to know his coaching philosophy, formal instruction methods, and costs. Don’t forget that a great coach can help you achieve levels that you never before thought possible, so while cost is important, the cheapest is not necessarily the best.

People who are serious about their careers, sports, or other endeavors look for the best coaches. Hopefully your Forward Story will include the need for and commitment to personal growth in one or more fields of endeavor. If so, having a great coach can be a vital ingredient. The best coaches are competent and have a track record. Make it your goal to find a great coach to help you achieve your ambition.