Author Archives

    Mark L. Casey

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    Vicissitudes

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    Words are sometimes strange and wonderful. I am certain this is the case in every language. In the English language, one of those strange words is vicissitudes. It is not used very often. When it is, it is usually something like this:

    James had great intentions to be there for his friends, but the vicissitudes of life changed all of that.

    The word has come into English from French (and Latin before that) from words that mean change and alternation. There are two primary usages of the word. One is just the idea of alternating change, and that change is a natural state of things. The other usage is that often these changes that we encounter can be described as either positive or negative. Usually the word is used for negative events or changes in a person’s life. For this usage Merriam-Webster says:

    a difficulty or hardship attendant on a way of life, a career, or a course of action and usually beyond one’s control

    The reason this somewhat rare word came to my mind is that in recent conversations with my daughter about writing our Forward Stories, she offered the opinion that writing a Forward Story might not be practical given that events occur in our lives that we neither envision nor control.

    Vicissitudes.

    What I tried to convey to her is that her Forward Story must embrace these uncertainties. Which is more powerful?

    • Not writing a story because there are uncertainties ahead? or
    • Writing one that acknowledges those vicissitudes?

    To refuse to plan for the future or lay out a desired story for where you are headed because you cannot see the future misses the point. The point is not to write a Forward Story that will appear accurate in hindsight. The point is to create a story that is in harmony with your ambitions and that guides you into effective actions that lead to the future you desire.

    When in the process of living out your Forward Story you are confronted with vicissitudes, it is time to reevaluate your Forward Story and write a new one. Likely the new Forward Story will simply be a revision of the previous one. The revision will grapple with the new reality and plot a new path forward to achieving your ambitions.

    This is the reason that we advocate a regular review and revision of your Forward Story. The masterpiece you are writing is actually the life you live as a result of having a Forward Story that is connected to who you are and what you want your life to be about. Do not let life’s vicissitudes have the final word. Adapt and move forward.

     

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    The Khan Academy – A Blessing for Learners Everywhere

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    My wife and I are big fans of the CBS television news magazine 60 Minutes. We think Scott Pelley and that team are talented and courageous journalists. As people committed to lifelong learning, we were very excited about last night’s feature of the Khan Academy. Started by Sal Khan to help his cousin with math, Khan Academy is making an immeasurable impact on teaching around the world. It is allowing awesome teachers like Courtney Cadwell (featured in the report) to be effective coaches of the subjects they teach.

    A vital part of my Forward Story is continual learning throughout my life. I am about to turn 50, and I feel as though I am just getting started with all the learning I want to do. I have now become a member of Khan Academy and am really excited about the value I am going to produce from it. Some of it will be a refresher for me of material I learned long ago but have not reviewed in a while. This is the “use it or lose it” principle, and I think that is very important.  Some of it will be brand new learning for me.

    As you create and maintain your Forward Story, look for ways for Khan Academy to assist you. If you are in middle school or high school and have a dream of attending college one day, Khan Academy is your friend. If you are a college student now and are struggling with some concept, you can find help at Khan. If you are an adult, you can reach new heights with this type of learning.

    I highly recommend that you watch the 60 Minutes segment: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7401696n

    Thank you to Sal, his team, and to those teachers and administrators who are making this work for their students. Bravo!

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    Repetition & Learning

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    Repetition is boring for most people. If we hear something over and over again, it gets annoying. Think of your least favorite television commercial and how you feel when it is repeated over and over again during a program or game you are watching. It can be like dripping water.

    The same can be said for learning information. Once you have learned how to add 2 + 2, you are ready to move on to something more challenging. If your teacher began each lesson with how to add 2 + 2, it would become very tiring. Let’s move on to subtraction or multiplication.

    For all we can say negatively about repetition, however, we have to admit it works. Advertisers know that even if you get annoyed at their ad that runs ten times during the game, chances are you will remember them when buying-time comes around. The guitar player knows that repeated practice hour after hour will lead to competence and fluidity in performance. The tennis player hits forehand after forehand after forehand. Why? Because repetition builds memory — in this case muscle-memory. Of course, it is important to repeat effective behaviors to avoid building bad habits. It is likewise important to learn accurate information in order to avoid believing what is false.

    I have discovered that the more complicated a subject is, the more repetition I need in order to really get it. This is the reason medical school is not one semester long. It is the reason law school takes three years. It is the reason that becoming a master electrician is no walk in the park. Before I take a new medicine that my doctor has prescribed for me, I want to know that she really understands the anatomy of the human body, the chemistry of the drug, and why it is going to help me. I trust that she repetitively learned all she needed to learn to be competent to prescribe this medicine.

    It takes patience and energy to learn via repetition. There is a biological function occurring as we learn. The brain is stashing information collected from our entire sensory system into various places for future access. The more complicated or unconventional the information, the more repetition is required. I have to give this biology time to work.

    Two examples:

    • When I am learning how to effectively manage my personal finances I know that conventional wisdom will not help me. How do I know this? Most people are broke. What is “normal” is not working. To learn a more effective way of handling money requires repetition of some better way. This more effective way is not part of my cultural common sense, so I have to purposely and repetitiously learn this better way. If I stop listening to and learning the better way, I will fall back into the culture’s way, which I get through being part of the culture. As a matter of fact, the way I learned that cultural way of thinking and action about money came about through years and years of…repetition. I am only going to replace that way of doing things with something better if I use the same process — repetition. For me this means podcasts, blogs, books, and conversations with other weird people who are also repetitively learning a better way.
    • I am an American, and like many Americans I have struggled with my body weight. As with personal finances, what is normal in our culture is not what I desire. I desire to be healthy and thin. I desire to avoid the many negative health outcomes of being “normal.” How does a person break away from the cultural norm to begin eating in a different way and to get healthier? The answer is repetition. How many food messages does our culture (and agribusiness) repeat to us each day? That onslaught of information cannot be counteracted once and for all. It has to be counteracted continually and repetitively. Again, for me the repetition takes the form of books, blogs, podcasts, and conversations.

    Whatever we want to learn is going to require energy. Our capacity to learn is rooted in language, which along with our large brains is our great advantage over the animal kingdom. We just have to be committed to learning the right things and be willing to put in the work required to make that knowledge an effective force in our lives. This is the reason that life-long learning should be an important part of your Forward Story and mine.

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    Growing Up

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    I vividly recall the first time that someone told me that I was acting immaturely and needed to grow up. I was in seventh grade, and the person who told me what I needed to hear was Nancy Smith, my yearbook staff adviser. Our junior high had one of the premiere junior high yearbooks in the country (the Cedar Bayou Bruin). Ms. Smith had built the staff into a select group of students that had been identified and chosen with the help of her teaching colleagues. Her teacher friends were always scouting for the students that had creativity and the “right stuff” for the staff. There were only four of us seventh graders selected to work alongside twice that many eighth graders. For the maturity difference between those eighth graders and me at the start, they might as well have been college seniors. They were extremely mature relative to me.

    The problem was that I did not really understand what “mature” and “immature” meant. I did not know that the others were actually not laughing WITH me but AT me. Ms. Smith wanted to be sure that I understood the expectations of being on the staff and that I began to grow up so I could become a true part of the team.

    It seems to me that many of us give up childhood very reluctantly. This should not be surprising because childhood is (or at least should be) carefree, fun, and joyful. Who would want to leave that? However, it the responsibility of every person who is capable of growing up to grow up. The time comes for everyone to make that step, however painful it might be.

    Simply aging is not the same as growing up. We all know 35 year old adolescents. I think I have even met some 60 year old kids. What do you think when you see someone saying or doing something that is not appropriate to his age? You probably think or say that he should “Grow up.”

    What does it mean to grow up?

    • Face Reality. Children live in a fantasy world, and that is appropriate for them. Their world begins “once upon a time” and ends “happily ever after.” I realize there are notable exceptions to this, with far too many children who know with certainty that this is not a happily ever after world. Part of growing up is accepting our world as it is and learning to work within the truth of our existence. When you begin to awaken to reality, you begin to leave childhood behind. There may be sadness associated with this, but it is required for adulthood.
    • Take Responsibility. There is no power in blaming everyone else for your faults and failures. The most successful people in life are those who refuse to let themselves off the hook. They refuse to blame others or make excuses. They simply recognize that they are responsible. They embrace responsibility. There is power that issues from that embrace.
    • Delay Gratification. This is one of the supreme challenges of adulthood. Because adults face reality and take responsibility, they learn to delay gratification. Children want it NOW!! Have you ever witnessed an “episode” in the grocery store where the child wanted the cookies/candy/ice cream/whatchamacallit and wanted it NOW? Adults know the truth spoken by Mick Jagger that you can’t always get what you want. A fascinating article by Pamela Druckerman in The Wall Street Journal argues that one of the reasons French parents are effective is that they teach patience and delayed gratification to their children. If I go out and buy a $100,000 car on a $30,000 salary, I have not learned delayed gratification. Patience is not easy for any of us, but it is a true characteristic of adulthood. Druckerman’s book is Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (now with Bébé Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting)
    • Dump Selfishness. To most children, the world revolves around them. We parents often observe selfishness in even very young children. If a 40 year old person carries a self-centered approach into a marriage, a job, or any other relationship, it is not going to go well. Adults care about other people. They learn to put others’ welfare above their own. They learn to sacrifice for those they love and care about.
    • Develop Vision and a Story. Children think in a very short time-frame. With our son I sometimes thought his time-frame was the next five minutes. The world of children is dominated by adults, who tell them where to be and what to do at any one time. Mom says, “It’s time to catch the bus.” The coach says, “Give me two laps.” This is appropriate for a child, but the time comes when no one is going to force you to do anything. You can do nothing if you so choose. Society will let you go and leave you to your own devices. There are real consequences to remaining a child in an adult world. Adulthood requires that you begin thinking in longer time-frames. Instead of the next five minutes, you start to think about the next year. You develop a vision for the next five years, your education, your career, your family, your retirement, and eternity. That is an adult move. When you develop a vision and a Forward Story you can begin to take actions that will lead you in the direction of that vision.

    Growing up is part of life. It is painful in many ways, but the payoff is worth it. I remember being a little hurt when Ms. Smith told me I needed to grow up. I winced at the realization that those older kids were laughing at me. Thanks to her, though, I took it to heart and began to try to grow up. She prevented me from prolonging a childhood in the midst of people who were already doing their own growing up. Thanks, Nancy!

     

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    Thoughts on Gratitude

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    The only reason I am able to share these thoughts with you is because a lot of other people have done, and are doing, their jobs. Regardless of what I’m bringing to the table right now, without them I would be powerless to communicate anything to you.

    • This computer was designed and manufactured by teams of creative and hard-working people who brought it into this world.
    • The software that runs the computer was likewise written by people who took their jobs seriously.
    • The electricity that powers this machine is being generated, right now, by people at the local utility who are monitoring their facility and processes. The linemen and repair crews are doing work to ensure that the electricity is properly transmitted to me.
    • The Internet connection in this hotel is provided to me wirelessly. The signal I am working from is being generated by equipment that was designed and manufactured by someone else.
    • My online work is being transmitted to my web provider on a complicated network infrastructure that works a remarkable percentage of the time.
    • In a more distant way, all of my teachers from first grade through college are making this possible. My former bosses, managers, mentors, family, and friends are also in here somewhere. They have all had a part in making me who I am and what I am.

    These are but a few examples of how many different people are contributing indirectly to my success. Without their help I would not be able to do what I do in the way I do it or nearly as well as I do it. And yet, I often walk around unaware of what they have done and are doing to contribute to my success. I sometimes act as if my work is strictly of my own doing. During those times I tend to not be very grateful or thankful.

    During times like today, though, when I am very aware of all of the people contributing to my success, I feel a depth of gratitude. I develop the eyes to see all of the people making me possible. I get this incredible sense that with their help I can achieve astounding things. Together with all of these wonderful helpers I can do something, be something, and contribute to something greater than myself.

    In a strange way, admitting my dependence on other people to do what they do opens up unlimited potential in me. This is the reason I try to notice all of the ways, large and small, that others are contributing to my success. This is the reason I have such gratitude for others. It is the reason I acknowledge others in my Forward Story.

    What are you grateful for that enables you to achieve greatness?

     

     

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    People & Books

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    People. Persons. Individuals. Men. Women. Boys. Girls. Coaches. Mentors. Parents. Grandparents. Friends. Teachers. Students. Employers. Employees.

    A quote I have heard attributed to Charlie “Tremendous” Jones is:

    In five years you will be the same person you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.

    The reason I love that quote is because it implies that being the same person you are today in five years is not a good thing. You ought to be more and better than you are today. You ought be learning, growing, and evolving.

    As an avid reader of great books, I wholeheartedly concur with his take on books. Books have transformed my thinking and behaviors.

    His statement about people, though, is also very powerful. Humans are social beings. We view those who cannot get along with others as “anti-social,” and it is seen as a negative thing. In free societies we have the choice about who we will socialize with, how deeply we will allow them to get involved in our lives, and how we will let them influence our thinking and actions.

    Human associations and networks can be very powerful. This is the reason successful people make it a priority to know and interact with other successful people. The great aviator, Charles Lindbergh, was friends with Igor Sikorsky. Lindbergh was a record-breaking pilot, and Sikorsky developed the first commercially viable helicopter. They spent time together because they had a common interest and could help each other.

    Conversely, the negative power of human association can be seen in gangs and organized crime where human sociability is turned against the pursuit and attainment of what is positive and productive. What this underscores is the truth that “evil companions corrupt good morals.” If you spend your time with people who are engaged in these types of activities, your life will turn out to be “nasty, brutish, and short.”

    On the other hand if you will spend your time with positive, successful, ethical people, you will benefit. If you determine to become one of those positive, successful, ethical persons, you can in turn help all of those who choose to interact with you.

    I have been blessed to have many people who have graced my life and helped me become a better person than I was when I first met them. I was blessed with wonderful parents and grandparents who loved and nurtured me. Lifelong friends like Margot and David have grown up with me and have shared their understanding of the world as they have encountered it. My brother and sister are also big influences in my life.

    Coach Jimmy, Coach Richard, Coach Al, Jim, Jeanette, Lonnie, Jan, Brian, Max, Foy, Chris, and Sam are all people who have helped me be who I am today. Yearbook advisors Nancy and Barbara, and speech teacher Mary have also influenced me powerfully. I have allowed them to change me and to contribute to my life. I encourage you to do the same. I remain open to new people who can help me and who I can help. It is exciting to see who nexts enters my life. Our wonderful neighbors Rudy and Veanne have improved us as we have gotten to know them. Most recently my life has been improved by my octogenarian friend Bill and his wife Ann. What awesome people who are contributing to me.

    Make no mistake, though. I am careful who I let in. Not everyone who wants “in” wants to influence me the right way. Their motives are less than sincere, and they will drag me down if I let them in. I am very picky. I try to be sure their life reflects the values I want to embrace.

    Now, back to books. In reality what are books? They are the products of people. I do not know Dave Ramsey personally, but in a way I do know him. I have met him and had him sign a book, but that is not how I know him. I know him because I have read his books. He has shared his thinking and his mind with me on the written page. His words and thoughts have changed both my thinking and my behavior. A more powerful way to state this is that his books have allowed me to change both my thinking and my behavior. A book cannot make me do anything. So, a book is really still just people sharing their knowledge and thinking.

    It is awesome to think that I have been influenced by hundreds of other men and women that I have never met (and many who are no longer on this earth) as I have read their words in their books. It is exciting to think of how many books there still are to read!

    So, do you have as part of your Forward Story the purposeful inclusion of quality people and books in your life? If not, you will be the same person in five years that you are today.

    That would not be a good thing.