It is the end of an era because he was the final packmate of the trio that included our other beloved corgis Fiona and Toby. Those two were our originals that we adopted when our children were still young and at home. Rhett joined their already well-established pecking order and found a way to fit right in. For the next many years our house was a flurry of furry activity. It was equally noisy and enchanting.

Rhett’s life began at a breeder operation about an hour from us that was dubious, to be kind. To not be kind, it was a puppy mill. Our daughter was at college and wanted a dog to keep her company. She loved our other corgis, so I began looking for corgis in our area. I found this breeder online. We drove there to meet Rhett for the first time. He had been born in October, so he was only a few weeks old when we met him in November 2009.

We waited in the office while Rhett was brought in to us. He was so tiny and so precious. It was love at first sight. Honestly, how can you not fall in love at first sight with all puppies? I requested to see the mother and father (or dam and sire, if you prefer breeder talk). The woman was very reluctant to let me see them. I insisted. She took me back through a maze of dilapidated buildings to a ramshackle shed where this poor mother dog was living in what appeared to me to be squalid conditions. It made me sad. It also made me angry.

I have titled this article “Rescuing Rhett” because once I saw the conditions in which he was born, I intended to rescue him as soon as possible to give him the life he deserved. I was able to do just that on December 10, 2009. I drove down there with a new crate and brought him back to our house. After Rhett was safely in our lives, I also filed a complaint with the authorities about the abysmal conditions at that facility. I never got closure on that, but in my mind I hope that is reason there is no longer any online presence for that breeder.

Off Rhett went to college with Kellen in January 2010 as a very young pup. It was in Lubbock, Texas that he provided love to a college student far from home. There he learned to chase frisbees, go on walks, and keep watch over the apartment as his Mom was at school. Later our son also joined our daughter at college in Lubbock, and he spent a lot of time with Rhett as well.

Every pet has unique characteristics. Rhett had many. One of his most endearing was that when he was picked up and held, he would put his chin on your shoulder facing backward. To us it seemed like a hug, so we would ask him, “Hugs?” Then he would dutifully allow us to pick him and up and hold him in that embrace. He was especially willing to give hugs to Kellen and Matt.

I have lost some of the exact chronology, but once Kellen finished college she and Rhett moved home and lived in an apartment. Then, through an apartment change that allowed no pets, it made sense for Rhett to come live with us and join the existing pack of two with Toby and Fiona. After a short adjustment time, the three of them had the pecking order worked out. Fiona was the Alpha and in charge, but she allowed Rhett to wrestle with her and chew on her a little. There was a limit to that, however, and she would let him know when he had crossed the line.

At various points both Kellen and Matt lived with us and our pack for short times while they were getting started in their careers, so all of us got to enjoy the corgi pack. We have special memories of all three dogs interacting together. Corgis are such entertaining little beings.

In August 2015 Fiona was the first of our pack to cross the Rainbow Bridge. Toby and Rhett became closer and inseparable.

One story from that timeframe. In July 2016 some friends visited us from out of state and stayed at our house. One of the children in that family left her bedroom door open with a suitcase on the floor. Toby, who was always food-crazy, found a package of sugar-free gum. He recruited Rhett to help him devour the package. When we discovered this situation, we realized that the gum was sweetened with Xylitol – very toxic to dogs. Given that it was a weekend, we had to take them both to the emergency veterinarian. When all was said and done, the final tally was $3,646. That was a very expensive pack of gum! From that point forward our vet clinic referred to Toby and Rhett as “The Xylitol Twins.”

We lost Toby in April 2018. He had been our first corgi. As with Fiona, it was very painful to let him go. Our house was much quieter with only little Rhett left. He was never a loud dog, except for four triggers which would set him off. We are certain that he learned his hatred of all three from Fiona. If you wanted Rhett to bark and make a racket, just put a new trash bag in the garbage bin, run a vacuum cleaner across the floor, set up the ironing board, or fire up the hair dryer. I am sure Fiona was proud of her understudy as he faithfully maintained her legacy.

In April 2019 Rhett was diagnosed with Progressive Retinal Atrophy (PRA), a genetic condition allowed to occur because of the unethical breeder, who did not do needed testing before breeding the sire and dam. Our veterinary ophthalmologist explained that every puppy born to that mother and father will have developed PRA. It leads to blindness, and there is no cure.

So, the last few years of his life Rhett was in near-total blindness. It was amazing to see him use his senses of smell, hearing, and touch to compensate for his loss of vision. We had a dog door onto the back patio and into the back yard. Even with his deteriorating sight, he would easily go out and spend hours on the patio enjoying the great outdoors. He had every square inch of that house mapped.

Then in July 2021, we moved into a new house. The back yard is steep enough to require stairs. Stairs are one obstacle Rhett could not master. It was too dangerous. So there was no dog door for him at the new place. Even so, after a couple of challenging weeks, he adjusted beautifully to the new house. The covered back patio was a place he really enjoyed hanging out. We installed a gate so he could not wander onto the stairs. He really enjoyed spending time on that patio and feeling the breeze. He loved being with us and was our constant companion. He was an important part of our human pack.

A couple of additional observations about Rhett. He hated riding in the car. By the time we got him to the vet, he was incredibly stressed and shaking. Like I said, dogs all have their own little idiosyncrasies. Also, when our young grandson would visit us and eat in his high chair, much of what was intended for his mouth ended up on the floor. This was fine with Rhett, who hung out underneath and kept the area clean.

As I already mentioned, even though Rhett was a quiet dog, he was not silent. Our house is now much quieter. There is no more clicking of nails on the floor. There is no more shaking of his collar tag. There is no more sprinting for doors that are opened. Of course, we think of him anytime we vacuum, dry hair, or put in a new trash bag. It is quiet. There is also no longer a faithful companion waiting by the front door or the garage entry door for our return. 

I must thank my Dad for helping take care of Rhett each time we were out of town. My Dad is a definite “dog person.” He had a special place in his heart for Rhett. I know he misses him, too. I also want to thank him for being there for me as we laid Rhett to rest under his and Mom’s Memorial Oak. It is a perfect place where Rhett joins their beloved dog Prissy and Charley the cat, as well as my sister’s cats Buddy and Sasha. Margot and I are grateful.

As with Fiona and Toby, I once again want to thank Dr. Todd Rabon at VCA Premiere Animal Hospital for his compassionate care for Rhett.

At the end of this era, what did Rhett mean to us? He brightened our lives with companionship and happiness. He was important not only to Margot and me, but also to Kellen and Matt. As with Fiona, Toby, and all of the special cats we have had, we stand in admiration – no, we stand in awe – of God’s creative work.

I miss you, Rhett. I love you, buddy. Thank you for sharing our lives with us.

Photo by Max Saeling on Unsplash

The most powerful thing about a story is that it can make you believe. When you write a story about your future, you are committing to paper a vision for what you want to accomplish. A goal is an example of a story. The way I write my Forward Story is to create a comprehensive view in different timeframes of what I plan to accomplish. This includes many goals, objectives, etc.

I revise my story annually. At least that is my desired approach. I do not do this perfectly. For the last few years my wife and I have been working toward the completion of one of the major chapters in our life. This chapter has been primarily financial – overcoming many years of bad financial habits and decisions and getting back on course. Since this has been a dominant theme in our lives, the story has not changed that much.

Within the last year we have achieved what for a long time appeared to be unlikely. It was not easy, but we have now reached a new stage. Even though we are smack in the middle of the year, I realize that I need to revise my Forward Story now. I do not need to wait until the end of the year.

I will go back to the process I lay out in my book and begin doing a revision that will help me get my new bearings in this new reality.

Next post about the re-write

Where are you in your story? If you are ready for a re-write, there is no time like the present.

Photo courtesy of AM 1300 THE ZONE‏ @am1300thezone

Austin media personality Sean Adams passed away yesterday at the age of 46. That could be one of those impersonal headlines that you see and think nothing of. For many people in the Austin area it is very personal. It is for me.

I recently wrote about change. Yesterday things changed for a lot of us.

Sean and I were not close friends, but we knew each other and liked each other. I went to church with him for many years and always admired him. There were many exceptional things about him. He was a great son, husband, father, and friend. He took all of those roles and responsibilities seriously. He was a man of faith, and he had a remarkable breadth and depth about him. He had talent coupled with a terrific work ethic. He and Chip Brown in the mornings were a special team discussing sports. There was true chemistry there, and it was great to listen to. It was a morning staple for many of us. It was about more than just sports – it was sports generously seasoned with wit and wisdom.

I had lunch with Sean a couple of times at his favorite restaurant, Cover 3. We talked about our families, business, and he encouraged me when I was writing my book. He was also an encouragement to our children. When I got the stunning news yesterday about his passing, I looked at my text message history with him. There is nothing profound there, but I will always treasure it.

My heart goes out to Karen, Damon, Alex, and Sean’s mother and siblings. I also grieve for Chip Brown, Mike Hardge, Mike Weigand, Anthony Williams, Thomas Graham, Geoff Ketchum, and all of the other many people who shared a close bond with Sean. He had a lot of true and genuine friends all across the country. You cannot say that about many people.

My lasting memories of Sean will be his faith and his heart for elevating others to higher planes. He was famous for the wisdom in his many sayings. They will stick with me.

Here are a few of my favorites:

• “The dream is free, the hustle is sold separately. Go to work.”
• “Do something good for the world today, because the people who are making it worse aren’t taking the day off.”
• “Everybody dies, but not everybody lives.”

Photo courtesy of Enrique Garza‏ @goodstuffcvms

He and I also shared a perspective on the value of sports. He spoke often of the huddle. The huddle is sacred, he would say. It is the one place where northerner and southerner, rich and poor, black and white, conservative and liberal, come together, put their arms around each other, and bond for a common goal. They sweat and bleed together, and special things happen.

Sean often said: “Life happens for those who show up.”

Sean showed up.

Life happened for him.

Thanks for showing up for all of us, brother. Rest in Peace.

Moving into autumn the daylight is getting shorter. The morning temperatures are a lot cooler. The trees are starting to think about changing colors. The Friday Night Lights start to glow (in this region that is actually part of nature). Until I started gardening I did not pay much attention to the seasons. I now find myself feeling more tied to light, darkness, rain, temperature, planting, and harvesting. Just about the time I am getting tired of the long hot days, they start getting shorter and cooler.

The changing seasons are a metaphor for life as well. I have never met anyone who truly loves change, at least not all change. I tend to get set in my comfortable routines and find that any change or disruption to them is annoying, even if the change is ultimately better (which it often is). Even though most of us don’t love change, we have to make peace with it because things change. It is one of the few constants.

Since change is inevitable, I try to get philosophical about it. Perhaps just as I welcome the changing of the seasons I can also welcome other types of change. There are many seasons of life that people experience. We greatly enjoyed the season of life when our children were small. When they started school that brought many changes to our lives and routines. When they left for college we again faced great change. Now that we are empty nesters and see the gray hair in the mirror, yet more change. When we face changes to the seasons of our lives we try to look for the new and exciting possibilities. It is not always easy.

My practice of writing an annual Forward Story (detailed in my book by the same name) helps with this process of change. It actually empowers me to not only think about what changes are coming, but to take some level of responsibility about how I will handle it and respond to it. It allows me to embrace change as exciting and positive. It is a choice I make.

Sometimes change is thrust on us and is most unwelcome. This is true with the death of a loved one. We did not ask for it, but it happened anyway. Many of my friends have suffered change because of a hurricane and flooding that they did not want. Change is inevitable and comes in many flavors. We are in charge of the way we respond to it.

How do you cope with the changing seasons in your life?(leave a comment)

The word “doldrums” is an interesting one. I have heard the expression “stuck in the doldrums” from the time I was a child, but until now I never bothered to look up what it means.

What are doldrums?

It turns out that this is a nautical term. The doldrums is a region of ocean near the equator that receives very little wind, and thus is difficult to navigate. Both north and south of the doldrums the trade winds blow. These winds allow skilled sailors to coordinate sail and rudder to travel where they wish.

Put yourself back a few hundred years on a wooden sailing ship with no engine. All you have are sails. You are stuck in the doldrums. There is not enough wind to work with, and your ship is too large to row. All you can do is sit and wait.

Sit and wait.

Sit and wait.

You make no progress. You have no trajectory.

It is not hard to see why we have turned the name for this region of the ocean into a metaphor. Our modern usage of the term means that if you are stuck in the doldrums you are making no progress. For this reason you are sad or depressed.

How do you get out of the doldrums?

1. Recognize where you are. Step back from the details of your life at the moment and acknowledge: “I am stuck in the doldrums! This environment is not conducive to my going anywhere positive. I am getting nowhere fast.”
2. Get clear about where you want to go. You are going to get unstuck, so you ought to know where you want to go when the winds blow and you can set your jib. Prepare for what happens when you start moving. Create a vision. Write a Forward Story.
3. Change your environment. Remember, the trade winds are just above and just below where you are stuck. The fact that you are not moving anywhere does not mean that there are not places you can be where the wind does blow. You likely need to change your current environment to get to those trade winds. Then you can travel toward your desired destination. Unlike the physical doldrums, most of us can greatly control the environment in which we live, learn, and work.
4. Apply energy (or generate some wind). Once engines were invented and built into ships, the doldrums could be navigated. You may need the equivalent of an engine in your life to get unstuck. What could the engine be? It could be education, meeting people, becoming an apprentice, taking a second job, or any number of other practices that may help you move in a positive direction.

How do you get out of the doldrums when you are stuck there?

Colon

In Part Two of this series we examined the structure of the small intestine and how nutrients are absorbed from the food slurry that moves through. The muscular process that keeps the slurry moving through the length of the small intestine is called the Migrating Motor Complex (MMC). This same process continues to move the slurry out of the small intestine and into the large intestine. Before we move on to what happens to the absorbed nutrients, we need to do a brief overview of the large intestine. The large intestine is also known as the colon. It is “large” in that it is larger in diameter than the small intestine. It is much shorter, though, as the colon is a little less than 5 feet in length. Under normal circumstances the process in the colon from entry to exit takes between fifteen and twenty hours.

Creative Commons Deed CC0

There are two primary functions of the colon that I want to mention.

1. Microbiome digestion. Your gut is populated by organisms that are not actually part of you in the way that your organs and cells are part of you. These are actually separate organisms that are the “good bacteria” that help with certain nutrients that could not be broken down higher in the tube. The reality of this colony still surprises and amazes me.  When you see advertising for probiotics, it is this colony of bacteria in your gut that they are claiming their product will help you build and nourish. The common terms used for this colony of good bacteria are gut microbiome or gut flora. Certain foods we eat can help nourish and build the microbiome. This includes cultured foods like yogurt, drinks like kombucha and kefir, and fermented foods like sauerkraut. This microbiome breaks down certain nutrients and allows for the production of vitamin K and other vitamins. So, how many of these good bugs live in your colon? Believe it or not, they number in the trillions with a “t.” It is important to note that while most of the good bacteria is found in the colon, there are also beneficial bacteria that live in the small intestine. Many health issues occur when the good bacteria in the gut do not thrive and when bad bacteria do thrive. Here is an outstanding article on bacteria and the small intestine. I hope to write a separate article later with more detail on the microbiome of the nutrition tube.
2. Removal of liquids and formation of solid waste. While we did not mention it earlier, water has been absorbed already throughout the small intestine. Now as the process continues, the remaining water is absorbed into the body and solid waste is left in the colon to ultimately be eliminated from the body. The removed water ultimately ends up passing through the kidneys, into the bladder, and out as liquid waste.

There are obviously serious disorders and diseases of each component of the nutrition tube that require the expertise of medical professionals to diagnose and treat. The explanation I have provided in this series is my understanding of how a non-diseased gastrointestinal tract should work. Some of the disorders of the digestive system can be treated with a nutritional approach, but some require more aggressive intervention.

Conclusion

With that much too brief treatment of the colon, we have finished tracking the slurry through the complete nutrition tube from top to bottom. In the next article we will go back to the small intestine where we said that most of the nutrients from the slurry make it through the inner walls and are absorbed into the blood stream. Ponder the thought that these nutrients escape the nutrition tube and enter into your blood. Now they become part of you.

My next questions are:

1. What happens to these nutrients when they enter the blood stream?
2. How does the body make use of them, and how does that decision you made several hours earlier to eat 1,000 calories of doughnuts or broccoli impact the body’s chemistry and how those nutrients are used?

As with every question we have asked so far, these are actually very complicated questions. We will explore them in Part Four.

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I am assuming you can do a quick survey of your life and pick a few bad habits you would like to kick and a few good habits you would like to establish.

Me, too.

Lately through reading, conversation, and experimentation I have learned some helpful things about nurturing positive habits. I will leave kicking bad habits for another day.

There are two methods I have proven (to myself) to work, and there is one that I am eager to try soon. Here they are:

1. Seinfeld’s Red-X

Some experts disagree on how long a behavior has to be repeated until it becomes a habit, but a good number to shoot for is two weeks. If I can do something for two weeks, I will usually incorporate it into my life. Jerry Seinfeld’s method has really worked for me. It is a simple idea. You print a calendar and draw a red X on each day in which you do the behavior. Then string them together with the goal of “Don’t break the chain.” Doing this small practice can lead to big things. It is how I finished writing my book. It can be the way you finally accomplish that thing you have been wanting to do.

2. Write a Journal

This one requires only that you keep some kind of notebook or journal where you date each day and make an entry related to your desired behavior. If the goal is to excercise thirty minutes each day, the entry for today as I write this might be:

April, 22, 2015

Exercise Journal

Today I walked 35 minutes at 6 a.m.

Keeping a log or journal like this helps keep me accountable. It also provides a record which I can review to draw inspiration from.

3. Clear’s Paper Clip Trick

James Clear writes often (and well) on habits and behavior. While I regularly practice the first two ideas above, I have not yet tried this one. However, I will be trying it soon. The idea is that you start with two jars. One contains paper clips (or push pins or pennies, etc.) and the other is empty. When you complete the desired behavior, you move a paper clip from the starting jar into the empty jar. There is some strategy to choosing how many clips to start with. In my case I will use it to help me stay on track with some of the more mundane aspects of my daily work. If I need to make fifteen phone calls, I will start with fifteen paper clips. For more on this strategy, please read Clear’s excellent article here.

How do you nurture good habits? What works for you?

Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.

It’s meaning is clear. The path ahead for all of us is uncertain and can be frightening. This includes the path ahead of our children. Our parental instincts are to run interference for them and to smooth the path. When our children are very young, this is normal and required. As our children mature, though, and begin to approach adulthood, it is dangerous to try to prepare the path for them. When Mom and Dad always step in to make things right, fair, and easy, it can give them the false idea that difficulties won’t come. It teaches them that someone else will solve their problems for them. That is irresponsible.

We are at somewhat of a disadvantage culturally when we do not have adolescent puberty rites. In tribal cultures boys and girls did not have the option to remain immature. When their bodies began to change, they were initiated into adulthood through rituals that most of us would find appalling. There was no doubt, though, after the ritual that the boy was to be considered a man and the girl was to be considered a woman. Mom and Dad were not going to run interference any more to keep their children children. I am not arguing that we need to invent puberty rights, but I am arguing that it is the responsibility of parents to grow children who are ready for the path and not afraid of adulthood.

As difficult as it is to do, as parents we must focus our energies on getting our children ready to face life on their own. We should equip them so that they can deal with whatever life throws at them. Sure, if we are still around we can help them and counsel them if they seek such guidance, but they have to learn to deal with life on their own. We will not always be around. Even if we are, we cannot handle their adult problems for them. That is their job.

I have not lived in my parents’ house for over 32 years. They prepared me for the path, and I have functioned as an adult for a long time. I do have to add, though, that while I am no longer under my parents’ control, I am still under their influence. I say this to assure parents that if you adopt the approach I am encouraging, you will raise children that are ready for life’s path, but you will retain your influence. In fact, you will likely have more influence than if you have always tried to control their lives and circumstances. Strangely, children who have been reared in an overprotective way often grow up to resent that level of control and interference.

It is also true that one of the great joys in life is to observe your adult children adapting to life and handling the path they are on. That is when you know you have done your job well and that they will be OK on their own.

In what ways do you prepare your child for the path?

The fumble happened.

We lost by 3 points.

Into this bitter disappointment our head coach, Richard Bethell, taught one of those lessons that athletics seems especially suited to teach. He said, “Men, when you face defeat, failure, and disappointment you have three choices.” He laid out our choices:

1. You can quit

2. You can make excuses or blame others, or

3. You can go to work

Often the profound is simple. Sitting on that bus all I could think about was football. Many times since then, however, the wisdom of these three choices has fit my life.

I am capable of each choice from time to time. I prefer #3. I try to avoid #2 at all costs. I consider #1 only if the situation makes it clear that I have been pursuing something that is not worth my effort or is bad for me — but I am constitutionally not a quitter.

After my senior year Coach Bethell sent a letter to all of us seniors who played offensive line for him that season. As we went out into our adult lives he reiterated this lesson we had learned two years earlier. He spoke of adversity we had overcome in both our freshman and senior years. Here is an excerpt from the letter he wrote us:

Earlier in the letter he called that loss our sophomore year his “greatest loss as a coach.” He had felt that sting as deeply as we had.

So the lesson remains with me in life to this day. I hope you will make it your lesson as well. When you face defeat in your life you have a decision to make about your future — your Forward Story.

You have three choices. Which will it be?